Sunday, May 31, 2009
just came back home in an hr ago from the ee bonding camp.. lol.. i miss the loft.. if only we could stay there until we graduate.. i dun mind sia.. i love staying there.. lol.. its great to stay with frens.. haha..here's a pic i took on wed... its just a random shot.. i like the pic so i just upload it here..
friday(29/5) is the first time i carry such a heavy bag to sch =.= really very tiring to carry my bag to sch.. cos i put all the books, laptop and clothes in 1 bag.. i rather do that then carry many bags... lol.. had dsp in the morn... after that wen to loft to put down our bags... then went back to sch to take my hp from larissa.. then went to itt class.. i dunno wat was happening at all for the first hr.. lol.. then 2nd and 3rd hr.. the teacher nv come.. weird.. idk y also.. lol.. maybe he doesnt noe where our next class is suppose to be.. lol.. and sumthing funny happen in this lesson also.. lol.. i say sry and hit kt at the same time continously.. lol.. maybe itt lessons are making me do stuid stuff.. lol.. we slack in the class and qh and kt play guitar and sang.. i took a few videos of it.. but will just be posting one of it.. lol.. and here is it... its a wideo of both of them singing the chorus of the song apologise.. lol..
after that head to c1 for npstrings with qh.. and sh went there himself.. then went back to put our guitars and laptop down and then went to the market to eat.. then went to cold storage to buy stuff.. but i didnt buy anything.. lol.. went back to loft.. then start to play guitar and till 3 4 am.. lol.. then went to slp.. below is sum pics i took on the first day..
this is a combonation of coca milk and whip cream.. taste great!.. but one of them hav cheese on it also.. lol.. 
close up.. lol..
and this is $80 worth of snacks which were almost all finish up in 2 days+
day2 of camp which is sat... woke up at 11+.. and found that our apartment has became a lan shop.. lol.. all of them were playing game.. lol.. so i sat down and start to browse the internet.. then when qh woke up.. he's lappy couldnt connect to the game the others were playing.. so we exchange lappy to use... and i started to watch movies.. and play guitar.. its like sum guitar and gaming camp la.. lol.. then after playing my guitar a while.. ian ask me to lend him my guitar.. so i went to take qh one to use.. i dam blur la.. i pulled the zip towards the wrong direction.. i tot sumthing stuck there.. so i kept pulling it up and down for a while then i realise that actually i pulled the zip towards the wrong direction.. =.=" then when i tell qh and gary later they give me that =___= face.. lol.. and summore say maybe if i pull harder and line for zip will come out.. lol... then continue to play guitar and watch movie until bout 10 or 11+ we went out to eat ramen.. and on the way back.. i laugh until bth sia.. lol.. and its all becos of the catus dance.. lol.. got video of it also.. lol... then reach back le.. bathe and use lappy till 4+ am then go to Zzz...
day3 of camp.. which is the last day for me.. i sleep until so nice then my phone ring.. =.= i wake up at look at it.. 9+ am.. =.=" i wan to slp sia.. so i reply the msg and go back to slp.. then that person reply, i wake up... =.=" went on and on until 12+ sia.. then i tot.. forget it.. dun slp liao la.. cant seem to make myself slp liao.. so i woke up and went to study abit of em3a.. then play guitar and lappy... then was sian.. so go and take a nap... the phone ring again while i was sleeping =.=" wat the crap... y is it that when i'm awake my phone hardly ring, but when i try to slp it will ring.. lol.. after putting down the phone went back to slp.. then maria came in and say we can go down for bbq liao.. so i woke up and went down with the rest of them.. on the way keep thinking of wat did i say on the phone just now really cnt rmb sia.. then eat le at 9 jiu went back to the apartment with lynette and head hm..
this is en you bottle.. isnt it cute.. haha..
well... i guess thats all..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
11:32 PM
Thursday, May 28, 2009
dam sad today.. is there anyway to change sadness to happiness? can sum1 tell me it?.. i really nid it... i nid it alot! i feel alot of pain not.. feels like sumone is punching my heart all the time.. i hate it.. :'( :'( :'(wei she me ren yao ai shang bu hui ai ta de ren... ran hou you yao kan zhe ta ai bie ren...
dontforceurselftocareifudunwantodoit...
y does it always have to be like this.. is there really always hope? wat if theres no more hope?
wat if you noe no matter wat u do it will not turn out the way u wan it to be?
then wat is it there to continue to believe in?
sumtimesiwantocrywheniseeyou...
cositreallyhurtsalot... :'(
heartaches...
wo gai zhe me ban??
wozhende shoubuliaole... :'(
went to aca ytd.. its nice.. i would love to join aca.. but i really dun wan to go for choir anymore.. their practices is really very boring.. but if i dun wan to go for choir, i cant go for aca also.. haiz.. sad.. guess i'll just have to not go for both.. i did tot of just going to choir so i can still go for aca.. but really if i dun enjoy myself there then might as well not go at all.. no point going there and not be happy.. but on a brighter side, i found out that i still love choir.. maybe its cos of the way the choir practices is carried out for this choir that makes me feel that its bored.. not cos i dun love choir singing anymore.. lol..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
9:01 PM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
dam bored now.. stone alot today.. esp during choir.. stone and do warm ups.. until forget that i'm suppose to stop hissing at the 8 or 16 beat... (i cant rmb)today i realise sumthing... its either my passion for choir has totally gone sumhow.. or the choir i went to is freaking boring.. i rather believe its the 2nd.. i really hope its not the first one.. if it is then i'll be dam sad la.. i use to love choir so much.. =( the tot of it makes me really sad.. haiz.. i must find it back.. it must be sumwhere.. i just have to look for it.. its probably hiding sumwhere in me.. cos i didnt use it for so long.. it must be there... i believe it there.. just dunno how to get it to come out.. maybe if i go back to LeVociEntro... i'll find it.. i think they got practices one wed.. should i skip PCN tmr to go back there.. haiz..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
11:13 PM
Monday, May 25, 2009
dam sian now.. dun feel like doing maths anymore.. so i'm here to blog...had french test just now.. GG liao... lol.. dunno wat i doing sia.. and i left 1 whole qns blank.. cos i cant rmb anything bout it.. aiya wtc.. let it be ba.. i only hope that i can pass jiu hao le.. the first qns is bout directions.. =.= i didnt come that week, have no idea wat the lecturer was saying.. then the 2nd part.. i only rmb wat is the word means after i pass up my paper and walk out of class =.= then the rest.. ................... dunno wat to say bout it.. lol.. did our presentation b4 the paper.. erm.. i think i'm going to fail... lol.. aiya.. dun care la.. the lesson today is only 1 hr long.. =.= he didnt let us watch the ending of the movie he show us the other day.. today last french lesson le.. must go to the library and borrow the tape and watch it one day.. lol.. then after that went to ourspace with ernest, yihui and luqman to study em3a.. yi hui left at about 12.. then kt came then went to eat.. then back to study.. T_T its really mathness.. stress do maths from 10+ to 4+.. can siao.. but of cos not all the way la.. got brks here and there.. lol..
was dam blur on fri.. dunno y.. had DSP first.. then after that went to library with yihui and ern to do french presentation.. then ern ask a qns.. he asked zai zhe ke shi jie chu le ren hai you yi ke dong wu hui jiang wei she me. shi she me dong wu? lol.. then me and ah ma stunned.. then he tell us the ans is "zhu". then i ask wei she mo? and he say there. =.=" and after this then i rmb actually sumone ask me this b4.. =.= and i still fall for it.. then after that they went to eat and i meet ian, maria, qinghui and serene to wait for ITT lesson to start.. and while waiting we spend our time lookin at a website that is bout music theory.. omg =.= i can only imagine me suffering thru music lessons when we are going to have it.. idk y this stuff seriously cant get into me..
then went to ITT class... for the first hr teacher was talking bout sumthing to do with wat he talk about last week.. lol.. not very sure wat it is also.. lol.. then we had to move to another class for the 2nd and 3rd hr... on the way there, went to buy bread at library cos hungry.. lol.. then went to class.. and kt showed me this pic..
kt: this pic nice?
me: ya
kt: i took this pic...
me: bluff..
kt: really.
me: really? where u take one?
then he look at me with that =_= face...
i actually believe him sia.. =.= dunno y.. must be sumthing wrong with my head at that moment.. dam blur la that day.. (the pic was sumthing similar to the one above cant find the one he showed me.. lol..) he dam happy la that i kana bluff by him.. =.= summore tell me he went to mars to take that pic... =.="
then when lesson end le.. aaron came to tell me we go every wed ar.. then i say orh, ok... then he walk out of the class then i think.. shit! wed go where... then i stunned a while.. and tot huh i promise him i'll go to kt cca with him on every wed... =.=" i got aca also.. how am i going to be there when i have to be at aca also... =.= blur la i.. now idk how sia.. i wan to go for both.. haiz.. if only there was a way to be in both cca without having such a problem... maybe i'll give up one or not go to both at all.. lol.. i hope not the 2nd option.. sumone must motivate me to go to either one so i wun end up not going to both... lol.. well, zou yi bu suan yi bu ba...
then after ITT went to meet yeeteng, eric, serene, jj and ian at the e sq with qinghui... then went to np strings with qh to learn guitar.. stress sia.. until now i cant make my finger work with each other =.= but it was fun.. i guess.. lol..
well guess i'll end here.. gtg do em3a =.=..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
10:23 PM
Thursday, May 21, 2009
i hate jealousy... dam irritating.. y izzit still not going away.. its like taking a knife and stabing my heart continuously.. its making me hate myself more..i see myself becoming more and more like how i was in my sec sch... i'm very scare.. really very very very scare.. i dunno wat to do anymore.. :'( :'( :'(
ytd sheena say she'll go for aca audition next wed =) happy.. if she can get in (which i think is surly can) then i'll go to aca too.. haha.. cos since i in choir le can join aca even though i fail my audition... went to kt cca ytd.. nice.. i like the qi fen there.. haha.. feel like going back there again.. but dun dare go alone lei.. (haiz.. wat the crap is wrong with me.. feel like ripping myself apart...) had alot of tots when i was there.. my brain was dam busy.. it didnt even gave me time to process one thing and the next thing pops out.. (if only my i could make my brain this active when i'm in class... lol...) and most of it are qns.. qns qns qns.. and until now still no ans.. idk where to get the ans...
idk y i cant seem to find the words i want to say when i nid them now.. wonder where all my vocab went.. its like more than half of it has gone...
zhe bu shi di yi ci... wo ye zhi dao bu hui shi zui hou yi ci... zhe bu shi wo wei yi shen qi de yuan ying.. ni zhi dao wo shen qi dao yan lei dou liu chu lai mah.. ye xu shi wo tai zhu zhong you yi? cai hui zhe me cai yi... huo zhe shi wo zi ji ba ni dang chen tai hao de peng you... ke neng zhe shi wo dan fang mian de xiang fa ba.. ke neng yao liang ke ren zhe yang xiang cai bu hui fa shen zhe yang de shi.. maybe its my fault.. idk..
ye xu shi wo tai cai yi hao peng you zhe me tui wo suo yi cai hui zhe yang...
er zi send me this song today.. love it.. the lyrics is nice... it made me cry.. lol
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
10:33 PM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
took this 2 pic this morning.. looks nice to me.. sumhow reminds me of nice stuff.. cos sumone once told me that sunrise tells us that the happiest miracles still happen in the world.. (should be sumthing like that.. dunno y i suddenly cant rmb how that line goes..)
went to choir ytd.. conductor was funny.. and alot of ppl went.. lol.. 7 of us went tgt.. (qh, jj, serene, aaron, sh, wenny and me) lol.. the choir sounds nice sumhow too.. haha.. i miss le voci entro!... how i wish i could turn back time and go back there.. lol... then after that went to SCC room with qh, sh and wenny.. went there to see sh and qh play drums...
then hm swt hm...
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
9:24 AM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
very sleepy now.. super bored~..sch started at 8.30 today.. slept at 3 am last nite.. idk why i just cant seem to slp in the nite.. lol.. morning seems to be a better time to slp for me.. lol..
finalise mmp grp today.. wan to say alot of things bout it.. but nvm........................................ sumhowidonthaveagoodfeelingboutit.. *shhhhhhhh* haha... but i seriouly hope i'm very wrong about this.. (sumhow this reminds me... i haven finish my french project.. =.=)
went out to do sum stuff after mmp.. then came back to sch at bout 2+... now waiting for next lesson..
chat with a fren on sat.. haven spoke to her for a long time.. had a great chat.. just that the call ended suddenly cos my phone had no batt..
chat with another fren on sun.. also haven chat with this person for a long time.. haha..
overall had a not too bad weekend..
common test commin.. i'm in trouble.. i have no idea wat has been going on in class since the day sch started.. jialak liao...
these few weeks had been weird.. its making me wonder wat is wrong all the time.. maybe its me ba.. watever it is.. wish i could say it out sumhow.. cant seem to find the words i need to express wat i want to say..
howtochangelovetohate?howtochangehatetolove?isthereawaytodothat.. howtocontrollove?howtocontrolhatred?isthereawaytocontrolorchoosehowurgoingtofeeltowardssomeone???haiz...i'msurejealouslyisstillinme.. inidittogoaway... *GOAWAYjealousy!*butidkhow...
ahh~!... wtc.. i'm going to get sum slp now b4 the next lesson starts.. update tonite if i have the inspiration to blog.. lol..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
3:12 PM
Friday, May 15, 2009
its getting worst and worst now... at this rate i'll go mad faster than i expected myself to last.. this is crap.. i hate it.. i hate myself.. i cant continue like this.. i will go back to doing stupid things if no one find a cure for me.. I NID TO TALK TO SUMONE!!!!!!!!!! i'm going mad trying to control.. feel dam irritated... cnt cry and cnt say to anyone... T_Tblogged at 4.11 pm
went out to watch movie with yuzhen today.. went to watch fireproof at her church... nice.. =) and its the 2nd time i'm watching it.. lol.. cos i ask kt to let me watch it liao.. love the movie.. watch until T_T both time also like this.. nice show.. got me thinking bout many stuff now.. haha.. next movie i wan to watch is facing the giants... haha cos yuzhen said that its nice also..
blogged at 11.30
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
11:30 PM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
i'm going mad nowadays.. and i'll say u have to take sum of the blame.. lol.. idk.. my head doesnt seem to wan to listen to me.. its giving me tots that are either making me sad or angry.. =(couldnt sleep last nite.. dunno y.. keep thinking of wat i blog about ytd.. trying to find a way to avoid it or run away from it.. its really torturing to keep thinking about it.. but i cant make myself dun think bout it.. it just keeps popping out in my head.. and the worst part is there are things that reminds me of it.. i'm exsausted.. give me a brk pls.. stop reminding me of it.. maybe i should learn to hate you.. but i really dont know how to do it.. but if i dun do this.. i think i'll end up hating the wrong person in the end.. maybe its my fault.. that now things are like this.. i'm doing sumthing wrong.. but i've decided to continue that mistake i made... cant imagine wat will happen if i did it the other way from the start... ~*starts imagining*~ wah.. cnt.. better stay this way.. even though i noe i wun feel happy with it.. wat the crap.. dun wan to expect too much.. wat if it gets worst.. i dun wan to taste more dissappointment.. i'm going to write a note to my problem...
"Dear problem,
pls for goodness sake, stay away from me.. i'm already trying to avoid u.. dun come to me pls... dun make things happen that will remind me of you.. i'll go mad soon.. pls dun make me snap..."
lol.. i think i'm really going mad...
i've found a temp way to help myself that is to blast music so loud that i cant hear my own tots.. haiz..
finally my guitar is tuned.. lol.. can play liao.. now i need sumone to teach me.. lol...
realise that i'm getting more and more interested in sumthing.. its like i keep wanting to know more bout it.. dunno y.. this is definitely not a bad thing...
well i guess thats all for now..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
11:38 PM
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
feel dam wrong nowadays.. i hate the feeling of jealousy.. dam irritating and it will become hated soon if no one save me from all this... crap.. i feel dam crappy nowadays.. is there anyway to get out of this.. if there is, can sumone tell me.. =(I don't like to feel that pain... That pain whereby u look at someone and know that he/she'll nv be yours no matter how much u love him/her... That feeling whereby your heart feels like its crying but the tears wun come out... That feeling when u look at that person and feel anger and sadness at the same time... The heart feels like its sinking cos u keep feeling the punches of pain that cannot be explained... Cos another person will never know how u feel unless he/she is in your position...
i think i'm going to go crazy soon... hahaha...
on mon, had french test... omg.. i dunno wat the hell am i doing at all.. i hope i pass.. after test the teacher let us watch a movie.. but we didnt manage to finish it.. he say continue next week... nice movie.. cant wait to see the 2nd half of it.. then went to meet my mum and she pass me my guitar.. i didnt noe it was this small.. lol.. maybe cos i didnt really touch it since i got it or thats its a toy.. lol.. but the sound is really =.= now.. maybe it need tuning?.. and i have no idea how to tune it... would any1 be so kind to tune it for me?? =) would be better if u r willing to teach also.. lol...
then on tues, celebrate maria bd.. =) hope that she'll be happy always.. =)
then today, was playing game almost thru out the whole of first lesson... then idk wat i doing during the 2nd lesson also.. then brk.. then pcn... this is the most boring module i have sia.. =.= should take a photo of the class next time when we having lesson.. haha.. almost no one listening.. best part today was when the teacher ask er zi wat no. he wrote on the board when the screen is blocking.. lol... funny... was watching movie thruout the lecture.. stress sia.. he keep looking at my direction when he's teaching... =.= only can look up but didnt noe wat was he talking about cos was listening to the movie.. lol.. if he ask me qns i sure jialak one.. but even if i did pay attention.. i think i also wun be able to ans his qns.. i haven finish the movie then jiu time to do prac liao... crap..
maybe its me but i feel more things that make me sad nowadays.. i hope i'm wrong.. :'( y cant i feel more happiness instead.. =( dunno if u'll ever see this but u're one of the reason y i feel this way.. haiz...
i feel like i have alot of things to say.. but i cant seem to find the words to say them.. and idk who is the correct person to tell them to.. even though i have a few ppl in mind, idk if they wan to listen to me rant.. got a feeling i might :'( when i pour everything out on sumone... hope i wun...
lastly, to ___: sorry...
well i guess thats all for now..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
11:34 PM
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
i'm super emo now..it doesnt really help when ppl agree with you but are not willing to help u.. i guess it has always been like this.. i've lied to myself so much that i didnt realise that i'm actually alone all the time.. i tot that sum1 will be there... but when i finally stop lying... i realise i only see shadows... shadows of my own and no one else... maybe trusting and believing too much is not a good thing... ppl can say they support u.. but when sumthing happens they will say its not their prob... i guess this are the ppl that were fanning the problem.. hoping to make it as big as possible... they nv really want to help you.. but just hope things would go their way.. and if any problem comes up.. its none of their business...
wat if i dun smile anymore? would anyone notice it? smiling seems to be more of a pain nowadays.. its more effort to smile than to emo and not smile at all..
i noe i've been abit crazy lately.. i'm sry...
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
1:08 PM
Saturday, May 02, 2009
haven blog for quite sum time.. dam bored now.. so here to blog abit...i'm sick... crap.. feel dam uncomfortable.. =( head dam pain... but i cant get myself to slp... i think i slept too much today.. i think i started to feel abit unwell ytd.. then it got worse today afternoon.. until evening.. i bth then fell asleep on the sofa from 7 to 10.. dam hard to get myself up.. slpin didnt help much.. so now i'm tryin to make myself pespire.. maybe i'll feel better after tat...
well sch been fine so far... except for the fact.. i cant understand every lesson.. maybe i should start paying abit of attention.. but when i try to do that, i tend to fall asleep... =.= crap.. it takes more and more luck for me to pass each sem.. lets go thru wat are the lessons i went thru..
french: i guess its ok ba.. except for the fact i cant pronounce the words properly.. =.= and i'm havin a headache memorizing them also.. memorizing is definitely not my forte.. i forget stuff too fast... =.=
MMP: this lesson is quite fun... haha.. well at least this has prac.. i rmb hands on stuff more easily compared to those that requires u to just memorize.. i enjoyed my lessons so far.. but when its time to have music lessons.. i noe i'm goin to have a big headache.. i will need alot of help when it comes sia..
EM3a: so far i nv paid attention to any lecture other than the first lecture.. lol.. cos i couldnt understand at all when i tried once.. lol.. i only copy wat the teacher writes on the board.. but i do listen durin the tutorial lessons.. cos i actually understand wat the tutorial teacher is sayin.. lol..
ATE: this is one of the lesson i nv listen b4 also.. idk wat are we learning at all.. lol.. i'm startin to see my % of failing getting higher for this sem.. but thats for the theroy part.. the prac still not so bad.. at least i can do the prac for this week... haha..
DSP: we only attend this lesson once so far.. i have no idea wat we did also.. lol.. jialak..
PCN: well this one ok ba.. at least i did sumthing in class that day.. but the theroy part.. idk wat did the teacher teach at all.. lol..
hmmm.. i guess thats all ba... overall i nv pay attention in class much.. i'm goin to fail when i have test.. well but thats nothing new ba.. i've always been like this.. sad case.. if sumone can make me listen and understand in class i'll be thankful to that person.. lol..
well i guess thats all for now..
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
12:31 AM
