Tuesday, May 27, 2008
i'm starting to think that i may not pass again... erm... maybe not starting only... that tot have been in my head since the first or second wk of sch... and this time its more convincing than the last time... coz examz will be next wk and until now i'm still lost in my own world... today i pass up my compro project.. after looking at my classmates one... i'm starting to wonder is mine too simple anot... haiz... i feel kind of down... dunno why... i really nid to talk to sum1... but i dun noe where to find that sumone...well... school is fun... haha... cos if i say i dun enjoy myself in sch... i'm sure the ppl who have talk to me bout it on the phone wun believe... haha... except that... it feels kind of weird recently... its almost the same as the first time i entered BPS... i'm worried and afraid... i'm worried that it may be the same and i'm afraid of going thru that process again... if it really does... i think i will go crazy and tell myself not to trust ppl anymore... its scary... i really hope wat i'm thinking about wun happen... i wonder wats wrong with me... i keep linking all the stuff happening in sch to BPS... and all r bad things... the happenings r about the same except this time diff ppl.. even i am different now... i seem to talk alot now and i dun noe if this is a good or bad thing... now i would sit there and talk and talk but last time... i would just sit there and sleep, even if i'm with my frens i sumtimes may just keep quiet... its such a big change... and i dun noe y...
sumtimes i wonder... y is my life like this... do i not deserve to lead a better life, with less worries, tears and have better friends... haiz...
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
12:06 PM
Saturday, May 24, 2008
i was just reading my previous post... and suddenly got angry again... but felt that its kind of funny too... lol... and i'm telling myself forget it ba... cos i'm sumtimes like this too... lol... and i could be worst, if i wan to.. haha... but so far i guess i've become better than last time liao... lol... and all i can say now is tht person no. 1 is from pluto... lol... me and sheena made that up ytd... i must say sheena's entertainment value is bout 100%... cos i'm always laughing when i'm with her... but still got sum connection problem sumtimes... haha... thats y she told me that i'm from mars ytd... lol... and so i say she's from the moon... today i fell becos of a psp... lol... leg kind of pain now lei... but got no wound lei i also dun noe wat to to ease the pain... lol... my entertainment went home early... sian... i tot i will hav no entertainment when EG1 tutorial comes... but it turns out to not be like this... haha... well i guess today is not too bad...Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
9:23 AM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
feel kind of sad today... actually this morning was fine la... other than being tired and having aching shoulders la... lol... the sadness cam when sch ended... and lasted till now... 2 "fan nao" i get today... and this is wat i wan to say to those ppl who gave me the "fan nao"...person no. 1--well actually not that wan to make a big fuss over a small thing la.. but u dun have to say that in front of me lor... it kind of makes me sad to hear sumone say that rite in front of me... at least time first time by sumone else is not said rite in fron of me.... 2nd time hear ppl say this... summore in front of me is like... wah lao... haiz...
person no. 2--u r starting to get weird nowadays lor... u like suddenly change over nite... the way u msg me today is kind of attitude... has sumthing happen that i dun know?.. can u tell me wats wrong?... did i do sumthing wrong? y did u reply my msges in such a way?... for all the yrs i've know u i've nv seen u replying my msges in such a way... u sound so bu suang... haiz... is this going to be the end of our frenship... i hope not... i already have very few frens are like wat we r now.... pls tell me wats wrong so i can at least try to save this frenship... =(
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
12:46 PM
Saturday, May 17, 2008
today mood abit siao... welll should say it wasn't very good since i woke up this morning... and when i went to sch... it got from bad to worst that i even cried like hell for bout 1/2 hours during eltech... and have to thank serene for being there with me when i was crying... tks alot... cos if she wasn't i might just hav do the thing i always do when i cry...(if u know me well enough, u'll know wat i mean...) and to yee teng for keep telling me not to do it during EG1 when i was really temped to do it... if it wasn't for them the lines would be there already... lol..=) but now i'm like super high... it started to get better during EG1... and got super high during the break... tks to the joke by lynette b4 compro started... at first, we were talking bout birthdays... and then suddenly i tot that if sum1's birthday is during april fool's day... no one will believe it when he goes to school to tell his frens cos they might just treat it as a joke... he have to show us his student card to make us believe it.. haha... and lynette said that on the day when that child was born the mother would be very ke lian cos she say that when she was about to give birth on that day and when the pain come no one would believe her when she tell the other ppl bout it cos it april's fool... lol... i started to imagine one women who is about to give birth feeling very pain and telling others but no one wants to believe her.. lol... its like super funny when she said it lor... lol... at that moment, ernest, yee teng, lynette and me started to laugh like crazy... lol... then when ian walk there and ask us y we laughing... we told him wat lynette said and all of us laugh even harder than b4 that my cheeks got suan after that... lol... and during tutorial for EG1, i was also laughing like crazy becos of sheena... lol... i was asking her if sumone back pain, should go see wat doctor... and she tell me, go see surgeon... lol... then i ask her is back pain also dun nid to do operation, see surgeon for wat?... lol... she tell me dunno and tell me that maybe the surgeon will think that the person want to remove his spine... lol... who would do that... i laugh like until like crazy lor... haha...
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
1:29 PM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
dun noe y i just lose my temper today... maybe cos of wat happen last nite ba... or maybe i too many days not enough sleep already... i like abit going siao liao... dunnoe y i can't control my temper as good as last time liao... maybe becos too many things happened at around the same time le ba... (haiz... u'll nv understand how i feel unless u stay in a family like mine or that u know me super well...) nv give me time to calm down then the next thing happen already... and its just so unlucky that when it came to engmac it was my limit... it all started during engmac tutorial... should say i expected my mood to change but not to so bad becos b4 the teacher walk in, my mood already stated to change liao... and when the teacher came in and call my name it became so bad then i dun feel like listening to wat the teacher is saying also... and even after she ended other ppl talk bout it i also BTH... one of my classmate wanted to teach me rite after the teacher finish but my mood at that time was really freaking bad so i choose not to listen.. cos i know i wun absorb anything and that if it gets worst i will throw my temper on the person talking bout wat is irritating me at that moment... (well, so this is a warning to ppl ard me if u see tat i'm in bad mood pls pls pls dun do things like disturb me cos that wil make it worst and i may just throw my temper on u... and if u r the kind who enjoys "entertaining" me =.= do it when i'm in a better mood, u should noe y (and u should know who u r... lol)...) hope i didn't offend any of my frens when i was in that mood... if i did or if i ever do it, i'm sry... luckily that was the last lesson if not i can't imagine how i will be in the next one... i will be like super irritated lor.. and any small thing may just trigger my temper... i was complaining to sheena thruout the bus ride when she was with me... (lol.. hope she doesn't feel irritated... but really to sheena: tks for listening to me... =)) since afternoon till now the mood have not got better... it still stuck sumwhere in bad... but better than just now la... this feels terrible... but i really dun noe how to get my happy mood back... well maybe tmr morning ba... well, since i just threw my temper today, i think the next one wun be so soon...Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
10:49 PM
Saturday, May 10, 2008
i feel that sumthing is not rite... and i hate this feeling... this has happen before and i'm afraid that wat i'm guessing may be true... (guessing bout wat is going on...) i dun wan to go thru the whole process again... i dun want to have unhappy times like the ones in BPS.... i'm so afriad that it will happen again... if it does, i have no one to turn to this time... i'll start crying my eyes out again... "mei you ren hui zai wo ku de shi hou ba jian bang jie gei wo le"... :'( i miss the times when u were just one phone call away... i feel so down now and have no one to turn to... :'(i tot we could become best frens but i guess i'm wrong... cos i found the root of the problem and have decided not to solve it... its not ur fault its just that the problem is not only trust... even though it is part of it also... there is sumthing else...
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
10:47 PM
Monday, May 05, 2008
went to listen to sum stuff ytd... the person say that our eyes are thiefs... i was like WTH... how can u say such things... to be able to see is sumthing precious lor... if its bad then y dun she dig her eyes out??? stupid.. wat the ppl say there did not all make sense to me lor... arrrr.....Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
12:23 AM
Thursday, May 01, 2008
sumtimes is not i dun understand... is i just pretend to not know... cos i'm starting to think that maybe i know too much... talked to a fren today... my fren say i shouldn't bring my probs to sch... actually i dun wan to do that also... and so far its still ok... i've been trying very hard to control myself... cos i haven cry like hell in sch like i use to do that last time in sec sch... and i miss the frens who would sit beside me when i cry... i miss H, cos H would always lend me a shoulder when i nid one... i nid one now... i really nid to cry hard once in a while to let go... if not i will go crazy...i tot hm was suppose to be sweet but sumtimes i'm afraid of going hm... i'm afraid of wats going to happen when i step into the hse... i'm afraid of wat they might say... i'm afraid of being scolded... i'm afraid of wat there is in the future... i'm afraid that i hav to live my life like this forever... (its not that my life not good la... but, i selfish i want it to be better...) i'm afraid that everyone might leave me alone... :'(
Wh3n WiLl yOu St0p Br3aKiNg My h3aRt?
1:04 AM
