....hmmm....

sian

2010-10-04T01:56:00.001+08:00

hmmm...
dam bored at home now..
got insomnia again :( cnt slp in the night...

:(

2010-09-02T01:02:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wish we nv met..
i rather i nv knew you..
i rather i nv envy you..
i rather i was nv jealous of you..
i rather be a stranger that just happen to pass by..
and nv had to say hi everytime we meet..

cos now..
every smile that was once shared are now tears..
every memory that was made brings pain..
every walk we took tgt are now just dark shadows..

i wish i nv loved you :'(

pain?

2010-08-11T16:55:00.004+08:00

What is pain??

pain is when...
- no one listens
- no one bothers
- no one believes
- no one questions
- no one tries to understand

and most imptly...
it's when no one's there for u to cry on...

i guess i'm just not worth it...

:'( :'( :'(

2010-05-08T22:54:00.002+08:00

this song made me cry :'(

The Original Version

The Acoustic Version

THE LYRICS

I feel like I'm drowning in ice water
My lips have turned a shade of blue
I'm frozen with this fear
That you may disappear
Before I've given you the truth

I bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here (I'm dying here)
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I bleed my heart out just for you

I've always dreamed about this moment
And now it's here and I've turned to stone
I stand here petrified
As I look you in your eyes
My head is ready to explode

I bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I bleed my heart out just for you

And it's all here in
Black and white and red
For all the times
Those words were never said

I bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I bleed my heart out just for you

I bleed my heart out just for you

:'(

sometimes

2010-04-18T00:18:00.003+08:00

sometimes i cry because i'm sad..
because of the things i see..
because of the things i heard..
its cos of the things i get to know..
sometimes i know that knowing it would make myself sad..
but i still insist in looking for it..
and end up getting sad..
sometimes you know something is true, but its better to not see prove of that truth..
becos it will hurt so much more than it is already...

sometimes i cry because i feel remorseful..
because of the thing i say..
because of the things i do..
but how many times do i actually realize it in time to save that situation..
i really don't know..

sometimes i cry because i'm angry..
at the wrong person..
at the wrong time..
i can't control my temper sometimes and just blow at that person...
and end up feeling so bad after that..

sometimes i cry because i hate myself so much..
for the things i've done..
for nv learning to be thankful..
for nv learning to be understanding..

sometimes i cry because i want something so much but knowing that it will nv be mine..
its not something that i just know..
but its enough to hurt everytime i'm reminded of it..

sometimes i cry because i'm afraid...
afraid of losing a fren..
afraid that i will give up..
afraid that i can't be as good as your wan me to be..

i think i'm having abit of everything now :(
i wan to give up but i really dunno how..
can someone tell me how.. :( :( :(

:)

2010-03-20T22:23:00.002+08:00

just feel like blogging..
but not sure what to type.. lol..

visited alot of ppl's blog today... i love to read other ppl's blog..
its hmm interesting.. and i love to see how other ppl express themselves...
eg. i love to visit mummy's blog.. haha.. its probably cos of the way she blogs.. lol..

i feel like i'm childish..
probably cos i keep having the thinking that i dun wan to grow up.. lol..
there's sumthing bout being childish that sumtimes makes me happy.. haha..

sumtimes i wonder..
am i muture?? i really dunno.. there are ppl once told me i'm muture.. i wonder why.. lol.. dun feel like i've grown up at all..

its always easier to say then to do certain things..
or maybe i'm not putting in the effort? but i'm trying.. its just not part of me to not feel overly positive all the time..
actually i'm not negative all the time.. if u think i'm like negative all the time, then you dun know me.. =.= lol.. i do feel happy... just not as much as some of you.. lol..
and for me the simplest way to be happy is chatting or spending time with my precious precious frens :) it doesnt even matter wat the topic is.. its the company that matters :)

and sumtimes i just dun feel like smiling, thus, the sad face.. lol..

this post looks so all over the place.. probably cos wat one of my fren once told me.. i have a very bz brain... thats sumthing i wun forget.. lol..

oh well~ off to play games now... lol..

2010-03-18T23:33:00.001+08:00

If there was no pain in life at all,
we will nv learn to appreciate happiness..

If frens nv leave u once,
we will nv realise how much they mean to us..

If they wasn't any holidays,
we wouldn't realise how much we miss our classmates..

If we nv fell once,
we wouldn't know that it would hurt...

oh well.. dun feel like typing anymore...
i noe its good for frens to be honest..
but seriously sumtimes when i'm talking to u..
i wish my heart was made of stone.. :(
but its not ur fault..
its good to be honest..

anws not like i just started to feel down..
u.. erm.. just... ____ on.. to.. it.. =.=
but it'll go off soon.. i guess..
i noe i need to change.. sry..
aaaaaiiiiyaaaaa...
irritating..

:(

2010-03-08T00:44:00.002+08:00

sometimes we say things that will make up regret and feel like taking them back..
sometimes we forget to say some things and regret not saying them..

sometimes words that were once said can nv be taken back..
sometimes the things u forget to say can nv be said again...

but what if we don't know if the words we said were right or wrong?

i'm a mess... idk what to do..
idk what i should say and what i should not say..
so i end up not saying anything.. :(

just me

2010-03-08T00:22:00.001+08:00

just feel like blogging..
i just read sumthing from Jason Mraz's blog which is super nice :)
go read it http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/2010/02/oh-how-significant-we-are.html
Super nice.. Inspiring too.. :)

.

i've been watching alot of videos this few days.. haha.. nothing to do..
and i have fallen in love all over again with the jonas brothers.. LOL.. specifically Nick jonas..
And i love the song who i am.. :)

Finally figured wat to put at the part of ur fb where it writes write sumthing bout urself here.. haha..
i'm going to put "i am just me.." lol..
ya its kind of stupid..
but my fb mah.. i happy jiu can le.. haha

and actually this post is same as the one i posted in wordpress.. lol..

new blog..

2010-03-06T23:32:00.002+08:00

created a new blog a few weeks ago... idk y.. but just decided to do it suddenly..
having 3 blog is not a good thing for me..
cos i'm kind of lazy to update... lol..
so i've decided to let my LiveJournal rot.. i'll just focus on wordpress and blogger..
which makes me thinking i'll nv give up on my blogger.. lol..
probably cos it has too much memories.. too precious..

kind of moody.. but wats new..
i sort of feel like this all the time..
my ankle hurts :( no idea how i sprain it.. lol.

i guess thats all for now..

oh well

2010-02-14T22:12:00.003+08:00

You will know a friendship is true
When it brings out the best in you.

extracted from rozz(987fm) blog.. :)

Its from a short poem, but i just like the last 2 lines.. lol..
so i just copy and paste the last 2 lines..
true friends bring out the best in you..
i love that line.. haha..

friends are awesome! especially the right ones :)
i'm glad i have such great friends..
I LOVE ALL OF YOU :) ur noe who ur are :D
dunnid to mention names rite? haha..
& thank you S & K for trying to help me thru this pain i'm feeling now..

I noe i'm not a very good friend.. bad tempered and everything..
forgive me if i ever hurt ur feelings or made ur mad.. sry..

i once told sumone bout how i feel bout this..
and she told me: "they noe what they are in for when they made frens with you.. so u can be sure they love that part of you also.."
that was so sweet to hear.. i hope its true.. lol..
tks ba zhang :) haha..

the pain is still there.. T_T dam it.. y am i in such a shitty mood during CNY.. kns..
feel like scolding all the )(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&..

and i can only imagine how much more sad i will feel in the days to come..
hate it.. hate this kind of pain..
a letter to this kind of pain:

Dear pain,
I hate you.. go away.. why are you lingering around me.. you should get a life..
pris..

i noe the above is stupid.. but i'm trying to find ways to get rid of that pain..
so no harm trying that.. haha..

should i suddenly change my decision now.. idk..
change it to short pain?.. i really dun wan it..
its going to last a few yrs i think :(

i should be happy... i have many things to be happy about..
but its just sumtimes i forget about them cos the unhappy stuff bugs me so much..
but either way i will keep trying to be happy..

:(

2010-02-13T17:41:00.003+08:00

haven blogged for a long time...
i'll just blogged briefly here..
a more detailed post is in my other blog, locked..

all i noe is i need sum1 to talk to now..
someone who noes what is happening :(
maybe i will soon..
cos i noe u'll always be there
sorry if i bother u alot.. =X

the pain is building up..
am i going to be able to cope with it..
did i make the wrong choice?
i really don't know..
i made this choice myself...

when i had to make a choice, my fren asked me: "long pain or short pain?"
everything was analyzed out for me..
and despite having the choice of short pain....
........ i picked the long one..
I'm dumb, stupid and retarded..
thats all i can say..
i'm dying...
but its worth it rite?..

its worth it.. its worth it.. its worth it..
ya it does..
i'm very sure it does..
but those 3 words doesnt help remove the pain... :( :( :(

blahblah

2009-12-01T10:56:00.003+08:00

haven't blogged for a while.. basically cos idk what to blog about.. well not really.. but i just dun wan the everyone to see certain things i say in my head.. i blogged abit on it in LiveJournal.. but i locked it.. so only frens can see.. haha.. wanted to type more there but i always dunno what to type when i start to type.. lol..

all i can say now is that
i feel that i'm not a good person :(
or maybe
i nv been good before..

dam it.. i'm trying very hard to be positive and i end up typing that.. not in a positive mood now ba.. i always say i wan to give up and end up changing my mind after i finish blogging =.=" which just makes me feel like............... i'm an idiot..

sumtimesujustsaystuffthatotherpeoplehearalreadywillbe :(
example:me,whichiknowyouduncare..... :(

2009-10-28T13:31:00.002+08:00

hi everyone!
this is sheena.
I would very much like to blog an entire post based on the pacific ocean but i know priest would kill me.
so too bad, everyone please go read up yourself. xD

wenny's tag made me laugh so hard in the middle of class.
...i don't even know what class i'm in now.
strange.
-_-
wenny you playing too much of fishing legend ler.
everytime talk about fish.
I need 3 giant crabs and 3 giant octupus!!!

stuck at this 2 mission.
kns.

BYE~

idk

2009-10-27T22:36:00.004+08:00

y izzit that the good times nv last.. and the bad times keep dragging on and on..
wei she me shen wo you bu yao guan wo.. wo yi zhe pa ni men dan xin, jie guo she me dou bu shou.. shi bu shi ying wei zhe yang zhao chen le xian zai de wo... wo shi bu shi you zhou cuo le... wo zhen de bu zhi dao..
idk wat is wrong or rite anymore.. sumtimes i feel that everything i do is wrong.. have i ever done anything rite??? idk..

wat if i forget how to smile anymore 1 day..
wat else will there be left in me......
:'( :'( :'( :'(

i'm tired.. sumtimes i think the only way is giving up.. but i noe thats not wat i wan to do... i wan to do so much more.. but yet............

wat izzit that i really need.. idk either.. console? a person to talk to? to cry? i really dunno..

i'm really really scare.. but i'm not sure wat is the specific(pacific) thing i'm afraid of.. myself? them? i noe i'm afrid of pain.. i'm afraid of the pain i feel in my heart.. i'm afraid it'll keep coming back.. i'm afraid it wun go off..

sumtimes i wan so much to talk to sumone bout how i feel but yet i can nv put wat i wan to say tgt.. i guess i'm just not good with words.. i nv noe how to express myself in words.. so i only can cry... but sumtimes even so i still smile and laugh as usual.. i'm tired.. idk wat to do anymore..

its so tiring to smile when u wan to cry :(

2009-10-17T21:22:00.002+08:00

times flies~

just finish my 1 month attachment ytd.. suppose to be till 18 but the last 2 days is off days for me.. i miss them :( they are all so nice :) all of them were so willing to teach.. i learn alot there.. i'm so happy i did this 1 month attachment though it has burn a big hole in my wallet.. lol.. if i could i would have went to thank everyone of them myself.. :)

well i guess thats all for now.. lazy to blog liao.. lol..

19 bd

2009-08-08T00:57:00.005+08:00

today's my bd :).. or should say ytd.. cos its 57 mins pass 12 so its 8/8 liao.. haha..

had lots to test this week... so many until i also sian.. lazy to blog also.. so will just post pics here.. and just write a few word..

most impt thing that i must write today is to thank everyone who wished me happy birthday :) you people are the reason y my life is beautiful.. :)
my classmates bought me chocolate cake!! :) i super love it.. tks :) they celebrated my bd after our dsp prac test... was super weird when i walk to the studio la.. lol.. er zi keep blocking me and ask me to talk on the phone.. lol.. then finally i he let me walk to the studio and they walk out with a bd cake and sing bd song for me.. lol.. then after that went for lunch then went to meet eliza.. and she bought me another cake.. lol..

this is my present from yeeteng(maria), sheena(mummy), kt, serene, jj, wenny, larissa and hannah.. super nice.. i love it :) TKS :D (and if u shared in paying this present but ur name is not here, let me noe kkk :) cos i'm not very sure who are the ppl who bought this present for me :D:D )

i'm so in love with this earpiece now.. i'm going to try to let it live as long as possible.. lol..

this is from ernest.. cute.. haha..

went to marina square after sch with hannah and luke(kt).. went to Starbucks with hannah first while waiting for kt.. then when he ccame back from his lesson we went to eat kolo mee.. lol.. [hannah treated me.. tks :)] laugh like mad there.. dam high there.. lol.. then after a while hannah left, then me and kt went to starbucks to slack then went hm..

and i found a button with a funny name in the toilet.. lol so i took a pic of it.. its call the...

and below are picture taken when we went for sum fair at suntec..

a grp pic..

another grp pic..

blue black blue black..

i love this pic best.. :)

b4 i go... i must once again thank everyone who wished me happy birthday today :D
thank yeeteng, sheena, luke, larissa, hannah, serene, jiajun and wenny who bought me a earpiece :D and thank ernest for his present... AND thank kantang and hannah for pei-ing me for dinner at marina sq :D
loveyappl :) tks for making my bd special.. :D

well i'll end here.. dam tired.. lol..

:)

2009-07-22T09:36:00.002+08:00

lazy to blog.. but will paste sumthing i read from Jason mraz's blog...
this is the post whereby he ans qns ask from his fans.. and i particular like this ans... so below is wat that person asked and how he replied.

"
From lindsaygee: I am 28. hard age. what worries you the most about your own life; not the world; not the environment. what keeps you up @ night.

I often ask myself: Am I doing enough? What contributions have I made today? If my list is short I will get out of bed and start typing something - often a letter or a journal entry, as if my own journal will someday amount to something (which it usually does, allowing me sort out the garbage from the recycling in my head.) Otherwise, I waste little energy on worry. What’s there to be anxious about? Missing a flight or not making a phone payment can be an inconvenience, just as someone you know getting sick or even dying can be very unfortunate. But Worry is what happens when you take those misfortunes on and think you have control over them. You tell yourself that you are responsible in some way for these situations. Or worse, you’ve decided if the outcome isn’t pleasant, there could be even more trouble for yourself and others.

Worry is a story you tell yourself and nothing more. Sometimes we do it to over-express our care in a matter. Other times we’re looking for sympathy. We’ll even go so far as to tell all about our worries in hopes that someone else will share the responsibility with us. There are plenty of reasons we create for Worry to creep its little head in.

But the real fact is, you are responsible for nothing to begin with.

Let’s say you send some love to someone, but they don’t reciprocate the way you expected. That’s nothing to worry about. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Besides, if they don’t, why worry about that? If that mattered, you’d be creating that as a condition for having love in your life. Unconditional love is what we practiced when we came into this world in the first place – so it’s best we get back to being that.

Our economy-based society doesn’t make it easy for us to live worry-free lives. Somewhere between the ages of 6 and 16 we pick up all kinds of story and baggage that sit with us our whole lives. Is my job a cool job? Are my clothes cool or appropriate for this place? Do I read the right books? Do I hang with the right crowd? Whatever the answer, it’s just one interpretation of how you THINK life should be. There’s nothing in this Universe that can support the way something SHOULD be other than the honesty and your joyous reaction to it being whole.

Life itself is empty and meaningless. Truly. It’s you who give meaning to something. The world you see before you is entirely defined by your interpretation of it. Otherwise, life just is.

Some people don’t care for sports. They see the game as meaningless. Others see it as the most important activity on the planet. Some people really love fancy cars while others can go their whole lives not caring what kind of box they’re transported around in. You see what I’m saying? Go easy on yourself. Love yourself at 28. Tell the world that it is a peaceful and playful age, not a hard one, and watch it transform around you.

You’ve asked a very serious question and hopefully this brief answer shines some light on the power you have to create endless, beautiful possibility for yourself. Nothing is wrong in your world unless you tell yourself it is wrong. There are no wrong questions. There are no wrong answers.

There is only Love. Everything else is our resistance to it. -Terces Englehart

Namaste
"

well.. thats it.. to read other stuff he wrote or qns he ans go to
http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/
all credits go to the blog mentioned above..

and i didnt highlight certain parts to decorate my post.. i just found them meaningful and hope ppl who are reading them now will pay more attention to them.
will blog bout myself soon..
my current aim -----------> to be happy :)
cheers :)

lalala

2009-07-11T23:29:00.002+08:00

had another crying evening.. haiz.. i wonder when will this ever end..

just went thru my mails.. and i saw a mail that is about how thankful a person is for everything.. and i smiled.. cos i have many things that i can be thankful for too.. :)

For the very start, i'm thankful that i can cry, cos that means i'm not heartless..

as for the rest.. perhaps i'll write them when i happen to blog bout them :)

and today i found a nice quote,
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away" (author unknown)

well i guess i'll end here today.. cant think of anymore happy stuff to blog about..

speechless..

2009-07-10T22:19:00.004+08:00

haven blog for quite sumtime.. dun really noe what to say..

seem to always feel this sharp pain in me nowadays..
its killing me..
maybe its cos the sense of guilt is growing in me again..
haiz..

if this goes on, i'll die of guilt and be drowned by my own tears..
y wun the pain go away?????????..

had recording tue.. it was fun.. :) i love recording... haha... finally sumthing i like.. not that i dun like the other things we're doing but not as much as this.. even though was not happy all the way.. but well, life's like this.. at least i have frens with me when my mood was bad.. TKS SHEENA! :)

as for my results, they're all crap.. idk what to do with them.. but i deserve it la.. who ask me to emo during exam period..

haiz.. but i really cant control certain things.. like my emotions.. freaking unpredictable... actually not really.. i'm known for my mood swings in sec sch.. so nothing for me to be surprise of.. just hope i dun scare my poly classmates like how i scared i my sec sch classmates..

it seems tat its getting harder and harder to control my mood swings again.. i feel sad almost all the time.. hard to explain why also.. its not for no reason.. its just that the reasons are hard to explain..

perhaps its cos i'm afraid.. afraid of wat others might say after i say them out.. afraid of what might happen after that.. i'm too afraid of changes.. cos all i can think of are negative changes.. for sum things, i'm pretty sure it will turn out the way i expect it to.. but for the others, well lets just say i dun wan to risk.. its not worth it..

many stuff has happen recently that has left me speechless.. well, i really dunno what to say bout them.. its just to to to ...

maybeu'reoneofthereasonsyi'mlikethis..
maybeishouldstopreadingu..
cosmyhearthurtslikemadeverytimeafteritrytoreadu..
seemslikecertainsthingscntbeexplainwithwords..

i guess all i can do now it to keep tellin myself u're not worth it..
and hope that 1 day i will get over it.. or maybe hate will be a better choice?
i really dk :'( :'( :'(

broken strings

2009-07-01T00:20:00.004+08:00

Thats it...
It has broken...
I've tired fixing it... Many times...
And now i've decide to give up...
Cos even after fixing it...
There are scars on it...

I've tried to cover the scars...
Trying very hard to let it fade...
But even before the old one fades a new one apppears...
And the cut gets deeper each time...
Now certain scars have become permanent, its too deep to ever fade off...

But still tks...
Tks for being like a best frens once...
I truely did treasured that frenship...
I will always rmb that you and that you will always be one my best fren...
Even if that you will never be you anymore...
Cos u once gave me a frenship that was truely priceless and worth rmbing...
(but i really wan to noe if you did see me as a fren too) or perhaps u're the same as __... made frens with me for the sake of making frens :(

i guess thats all i wan to say here..

hmmm.. was wondering if i should post this on LJ or here.. maybe i'll post on both.. but with more details on LJ if i do post this there.. haha.. cos i did remove sum lines here.. lol.. sumhow, kind of have a sense of relief and kind of peacefulness.. haha.. (i must be mad.. can still feel so calm after looking at my EM3a results.. lol.. but i kind of expected it.. its already a big enough miracle that i pass.. i expected to fail..) hope this feeling will stay in me for a long time..

but i dun think it will.. cos sumhow depress is still in me.. but i'm trying very very hard to ignore it..

sumhow i feel that sumthing is wrong.. but i seriously dunno wat is it.. i just hope i'm wrong..

was talking bout risk taking just now.. and i told my fren i do it to ecperience the thrill of it.. lol.. sumhow it reminds me that last time i talk to sum1 on msn i ask the person y scare urself izzit enjoy scaring him/her self... then that person say ya.. next time he/she scare him/her self, that person will say its dam shuang.. =_= lol.. funny.. haha.. my first smile for today which came from a nice memory... but i cant rmb clearly who this person is.. so idk to put he or she.. lol.. sorry.. To this person: if u ever see this and rmb is u.. pls tell me.. lol.. sry.. and tks for this memory.. haha

my bloody valentine..

2009-06-27T18:02:00.003+08:00

bloody emo.. and its all ur fault..
u dumbass!.. idiot!.. i hate you........... actually i dun.. lol..
but i wish i could.. u're an asshole..
i have no idea y i dun hate u..
summhow i'm an idiot also..

went to see my aunt today and my new cousin.. cute.. haha.. very very cute.. and she looks almost the same as her older sister.. haha.. super cute~! i love babies.. haha..

well i guess i'll end here.. update more later..
i'm going back to emo... :'(

lol

2009-06-24T23:53:00.001+08:00

haven blog for sumtime.. lol.. lazy to blog..kind of emo too..

had PPP on tues.. omg... its dam boring.. i was falling asleep the whole time... Zzz.. haha.. even ah ma say its bored..
b4 the thing went out to eat lunch with serene, jj, eric, gary, er zi(soonheng), maria(yeeteng) and luke.. then after that went back to sch.. was late.. lol.. and we were quite worrried that we might be consider absent.. luckily when we reach class.. the lesson haven even start.. lol.. had a half an hr brk in the middle of the thing.. we started late and ended early.. lol..
went out with "mummy"(sheena), ivan and another 2 frens during the brk.. then sum china guy came towards us and ask ivan for a lighter in chinese.. lol.. ivan looked totally blur.. lol.. then we tell him he's asking u for a lighter.. then he say oooo... and lend the china guy his lighter.. then they guy say "xie xie" and ivan say "dui bu qi".. then me and sheena look at him stunned.. lol.. then he say o o "bu ke qi".. lol... and say that he always mixed up that 2 cos both of them end with the word qi.. lol.. and "mummy" suddenly tell me it reminds her of that time kt say to a indian girl "zhao an".. lol.. then after that we went back..
and another funny thing happen while we were going back to class.. me, sheena, er zi, wenny, fiona and ian went back to class tgt.. on the way back we were talking to each other in pairs.. and as we entered the lift, we continue talking.. and end up that no one press the lift.. =.= lol.. ian noticed it at first and he walk to the back to tell fiona that.. then suddenly i tot how come we only go up 1 lvl so slow one and the lift doesnt seem like it is moving.. lol.. then i realise no one press the lift.. lol..

bloody emo nowadays.. :'( nid. to. talk. to. YOU! :(

guess i'll end here..

2009-06-15T22:31:00.003+08:00

as promise, here to blog abit.. not that i've become less emo.. but just trying to find stuff to do to keep my mind off the emo stuff... had study camp last week.. was staying in loft from sun till thurs..

it was fun.. lol.. especially the part where we tried to make the machine work.. lol.. its a great way to de-stress... lol.. videos have been uploaded by lynette and are on face book if u wan to watch it.. another funny thin was when eric and ian were snathing for the nicest pillow in our apartment on sun nite.. i took a short video of it.. but it cant seem to be loaded.. dk why.. will keep trying to upload it.. lol.. and the last funny thing i can rmb is what happen on the wed nite.. i wanted to disturb luke by saying his "la lian mei you la".. ends up that his "la lian" really nv la.. lol..

well as for my papers.. i'm speechless about them.. i seriously hope i dun fail anything.. haiz.. too many stuff happened.. many that cnt be said :x all theres left are tears now :'( oh well.. didnt really take a lot of pictures this time.. only 3.. lol.. and here they are..

this looks like a heartshape.. its the sweet larissa gave me.. lol..
and i notice this rainbow on the door when i was trying to take a afternoon nap after the mmp paper..

last photo is a photo of the hei bai liang dao that came during our fop trail camp.. lol.. they camp for study camp also.. but they switch colour this time.. haha..

MY BLUR MOMENT for today..
today i did sumthing blur.. i spend almost 10 mins trying to open my hse gate.. i tot my key spoil sia.. but then i realise that i was turing the key the wrong way =.=

lol well there are others that happen during this period of time when i didnt blog.. but apparently i cant rmb them now.. lol.. moral of the story, must blog once it happens.. or write it down sumwhere so i wun forget bout it when i'm going to blog.. lol..

sumtimes i really rather stay blur.. at least after that moment i'll laugh at what i've done.. and i'm thankful for the frens who spend such moments with me.. they're part of the reason y i smile...

maybe falling down too much has taken its toll on me.. too many scars... scars after scars.. scars on scars.. not enough time was given for the previous one to heal before the next on appears.. and so more pain felt each time.. till i decided to pretend sum scars are not there.. hoping it would block up sum pain.. and it turns out that i've been lying to myself.. it will always be there... no matter how i pretend or lie to myself bout it..

2009-06-11T23:07:00.001+08:00

all thats left is pain
looking at u just seems to bring more and more pain..
i tot loving sumone was suppose to be sumthing nice..
dan shi wo ai ni ai dao heng tong le..

u mean so much to me and yet i mean nothing to you..

T_T

lazy to update blog.. will update with details soon..

oh well

2009-06-03T23:00:00.002+08:00

i found my first strand of white hair today.. lol.. should have took a photo of it.. haha..

feel dam tired now.. but dun feel like sleeping lei.. lol.. for the last 2 nites i only slept a total of 4 hrs...

my shoulders and neck are aching... dam crap.. maybe its cos of my bag ba.. i nid sumone to msg my neck for me!!! if anyone would be so kind to do that for me.. i treat u bubbletea.. lol..

my eng nowadays is getting from bad to worst.. omg la..

dam blur ytd la.. i'm suppose to send an email out to my classmates to ask them to sign the idemnity form.. i counted and got 22 ppl.. but idk y when i send the mail.. i only got 21 emails.. later then i realise.. i nv count myself.. =.= and another blur thing is i borrowed hannah's book to copy wat the teacher has wrote but i didnt... i put her book and my book on the table and keep flipping the book.. but dun have anything lei..

this morning also dam blur.. i was on the bus 105, but i tot i'm in 145.. and almost alight at the wrong stop cos i forget that i'm suppose to alight in dover mrt.. =.=

PCN and ATE test today is totally crap.. anyhow to one.. i'm sure i'm going to fail them with flying colours.. lol.. dunno wat to say bout it..

have totally lost it.. all hopes are gone, or maybe there shouldnt have even be a hope in the first place.. actually i pretty must knew the outcome liao.. but i wanted to make myself happy so.......... haiz..

ees bonding camp

2009-05-31T23:32:00.006+08:00

just came back home in an hr ago from the ee bonding camp.. lol.. i miss the loft.. if only we could stay there until we graduate.. i dun mind sia.. i love staying there.. lol.. its great to stay with frens.. haha..

here's a pic i took on wed... its just a random shot.. i like the pic so i just upload it here..

friday(29/5) is the first time i carry such a heavy bag to sch =.= really very tiring to carry my bag to sch.. cos i put all the books, laptop and clothes in 1 bag.. i rather do that then carry many bags... lol.. had dsp in the morn... after that wen to loft to put down our bags... then went back to sch to take my hp from larissa.. then went to itt class.. i dunno wat was happening at all for the first hr.. lol.. then 2nd and 3rd hr.. the teacher nv come.. weird.. idk y also.. lol.. maybe he doesnt noe where our next class is suppose to be.. lol.. and sumthing funny happen in this lesson also.. lol.. i say sry and hit kt at the same time continously.. lol.. maybe itt lessons are making me do stuid stuff.. lol.. we slack in the class and qh and kt play guitar and sang.. i took a few videos of it.. but will just be posting one of it.. lol.. and here is it... its a wideo of both of them singing the chorus of the song apologise.. lol..

after that head to c1 for npstrings with qh.. and sh went there himself.. then went back to put our guitars and laptop down and then went to the market to eat.. then went to cold storage to buy stuff.. but i didnt buy anything.. lol.. went back to loft.. then start to play guitar and till 3 4 am.. lol.. then went to slp.. below is sum pics i took on the first day..

this is a combonation of coca milk and whip cream.. taste great!.. but one of them hav cheese on it also.. lol..
close up.. lol..

and this is $80 worth of snacks which were almost all finish up in 2 days+

day2 of camp which is sat... woke up at 11+.. and found that our apartment has became a lan shop.. lol.. all of them were playing game.. lol.. so i sat down and start to browse the internet.. then when qh woke up.. he's lappy couldnt connect to the game the others were playing.. so we exchange lappy to use... and i started to watch movies.. and play guitar.. its like sum guitar and gaming camp la.. lol.. then after playing my guitar a while.. ian ask me to lend him my guitar.. so i went to take qh one to use.. i dam blur la.. i pulled the zip towards the wrong direction.. i tot sumthing stuck there.. so i kept pulling it up and down for a while then i realise that actually i pulled the zip towards the wrong direction.. =.=" then when i tell qh and gary later they give me that =___= face.. lol.. and summore say maybe if i pull harder and line for zip will come out.. lol... then continue to play guitar and watch movie until bout 10 or 11+ we went out to eat ramen.. and on the way back.. i laugh until bth sia.. lol.. and its all becos of the catus dance.. lol.. got video of it also.. lol... then reach back le.. bathe and use lappy till 4+ am then go to Zzz...

day3 of camp.. which is the last day for me.. i sleep until so nice then my phone ring.. =.= i wake up at look at it.. 9+ am.. =.=" i wan to slp sia.. so i reply the msg and go back to slp.. then that person reply, i wake up... =.=" went on and on until 12+ sia.. then i tot.. forget it.. dun slp liao la.. cant seem to make myself slp liao.. so i woke up and went to study abit of em3a.. then play guitar and lappy... then was sian.. so go and take a nap... the phone ring again while i was sleeping =.=" wat the crap... y is it that when i'm awake my phone hardly ring, but when i try to slp it will ring.. lol.. after putting down the phone went back to slp.. then maria came in and say we can go down for bbq liao.. so i woke up and went down with the rest of them.. on the way keep thinking of wat did i say on the phone just now really cnt rmb sia.. then eat le at 9 jiu went back to the apartment with lynette and head hm..

this is en you bottle.. isnt it cute.. haha..

well... i guess thats all..

2009-05-28T21:01:00.002+08:00

dam sad today.. is there anyway to change sadness to happiness? can sum1 tell me it?.. i really nid it... i nid it alot! i feel alot of pain not.. feels like sumone is punching my heart all the time.. i hate it.. :'( :'( :'(

wei she me ren yao ai shang bu hui ai ta de ren... ran hou you yao kan zhe ta ai bie ren...

dontforceurselftocareifudunwantodoit...

y does it always have to be like this.. is there really always hope? wat if theres no more hope?
wat if you noe no matter wat u do it will not turn out the way u wan it to be?
then wat is it there to continue to believe in?

sumtimesiwantocrywheniseeyou...
cositreallyhurtsalot... :'(
heartaches...

wo gai zhe me ban??
wozhende shoubuliaole... :'(

went to aca ytd.. its nice.. i would love to join aca.. but i really dun wan to go for choir anymore.. their practices is really very boring.. but if i dun wan to go for choir, i cant go for aca also.. haiz.. sad.. guess i'll just have to not go for both.. i did tot of just going to choir so i can still go for aca.. but really if i dun enjoy myself there then might as well not go at all.. no point going there and not be happy.. but on a brighter side, i found out that i still love choir.. maybe its cos of the way the choir practices is carried out for this choir that makes me feel that its bored.. not cos i dun love choir singing anymore.. lol..

hmmm

2009-05-26T23:13:00.002+08:00

dam bored now.. stone alot today.. esp during choir.. stone and do warm ups.. until forget that i'm suppose to stop hissing at the 8 or 16 beat... (i cant rmb)

today i realise sumthing... its either my passion for choir has totally gone sumhow.. or the choir i went to is freaking boring.. i rather believe its the 2nd.. i really hope its not the first one.. if it is then i'll be dam sad la.. i use to love choir so much.. =( the tot of it makes me really sad.. haiz.. i must find it back.. it must be sumwhere.. i just have to look for it.. its probably hiding sumwhere in me.. cos i didnt use it for so long.. it must be there... i believe it there.. just dunno how to get it to come out.. maybe if i go back to LeVociEntro... i'll find it.. i think they got practices one wed.. should i skip PCN tmr to go back there.. haiz..

well

2009-05-25T22:23:00.001+08:00

dam sian now.. dun feel like doing maths anymore.. so i'm here to blog...

had french test just now.. GG liao... lol.. dunno wat i doing sia.. and i left 1 whole qns blank.. cos i cant rmb anything bout it.. aiya wtc.. let it be ba.. i only hope that i can pass jiu hao le.. the first qns is bout directions.. =.= i didnt come that week, have no idea wat the lecturer was saying.. then the 2nd part.. i only rmb wat is the word means after i pass up my paper and walk out of class =.= then the rest.. ................... dunno wat to say bout it.. lol.. did our presentation b4 the paper.. erm.. i think i'm going to fail... lol.. aiya.. dun care la.. the lesson today is only 1 hr long.. =.= he didnt let us watch the ending of the movie he show us the other day.. today last french lesson le.. must go to the library and borrow the tape and watch it one day.. lol.. then after that went to ourspace with ernest, yihui and luqman to study em3a.. yi hui left at about 12.. then kt came then went to eat.. then back to study.. T_T its really mathness.. stress do maths from 10+ to 4+.. can siao.. but of cos not all the way la.. got brks here and there.. lol..

was dam blur on fri.. dunno y.. had DSP first.. then after that went to library with yihui and ern to do french presentation.. then ern ask a qns.. he asked zai zhe ke shi jie chu le ren hai you yi ke dong wu hui jiang wei she me. shi she me dong wu? lol.. then me and ah ma stunned.. then he tell us the ans is "zhu". then i ask wei she mo? and he say there. =.=" and after this then i rmb actually sumone ask me this b4.. =.= and i still fall for it.. then after that they went to eat and i meet ian, maria, qinghui and serene to wait for ITT lesson to start.. and while waiting we spend our time lookin at a website that is bout music theory.. omg =.= i can only imagine me suffering thru music lessons when we are going to have it.. idk y this stuff seriously cant get into me..

then went to ITT class... for the first hr teacher was talking bout sumthing to do with wat he talk about last week.. lol.. not very sure wat it is also.. lol.. then we had to move to another class for the 2nd and 3rd hr... on the way there, went to buy bread at library cos hungry.. lol.. then went to class.. and kt showed me this pic..

kt: this pic nice?
me: ya
kt: i took this pic...
me: bluff..
kt: really.
me: really? where u take one?
then he look at me with that =_= face...
i actually believe him sia.. =.= dunno y.. must be sumthing wrong with my head at that moment.. dam blur la that day.. (the pic was sumthing similar to the one above cant find the one he showed me.. lol..) he dam happy la that i kana bluff by him.. =.= summore tell me he went to mars to take that pic... =.="

then when lesson end le.. aaron came to tell me we go every wed ar.. then i say orh, ok... then he walk out of the class then i think.. shit! wed go where... then i stunned a while.. and tot huh i promise him i'll go to kt cca with him on every wed... =.=" i got aca also.. how am i going to be there when i have to be at aca also... =.= blur la i.. now idk how sia.. i wan to go for both.. haiz.. if only there was a way to be in both cca without having such a problem... maybe i'll give up one or not go to both at all.. lol.. i hope not the 2nd option.. sumone must motivate me to go to either one so i wun end up not going to both... lol.. well, zou yi bu suan yi bu ba...

then after ITT went to meet yeeteng, eric, serene, jj and ian at the e sq with qinghui... then went to np strings with qh to learn guitar.. stress sia.. until now i cant make my finger work with each other =.= but it was fun.. i guess.. lol..

well guess i'll end here.. gtg do em3a =.=..

:'(

2009-05-21T22:33:00.004+08:00

i hate jealousy... dam irritating.. y izzit still not going away.. its like taking a knife and stabing my heart continuously.. its making me hate myself more..

i see myself becoming more and more like how i was in my sec sch... i'm very scare.. really very very very scare.. i dunno wat to do anymore.. :'( :'( :'(

ytd sheena say she'll go for aca audition next wed =) happy.. if she can get in (which i think is surly can) then i'll go to aca too.. haha.. cos since i in choir le can join aca even though i fail my audition... went to kt cca ytd.. nice.. i like the qi fen there.. haha.. feel like going back there again.. but dun dare go alone lei.. (haiz.. wat the crap is wrong with me.. feel like ripping myself apart...) had alot of tots when i was there.. my brain was dam busy.. it didnt even gave me time to process one thing and the next thing pops out.. (if only my i could make my brain this active when i'm in class... lol...) and most of it are qns.. qns qns qns.. and until now still no ans.. idk where to get the ans...

idk y i cant seem to find the words i want to say when i nid them now.. wonder where all my vocab went.. its like more than half of it has gone...
zhe bu shi di yi ci... wo ye zhi dao bu hui shi zui hou yi ci... zhe bu shi wo wei yi shen qi de yuan ying.. ni zhi dao wo shen qi dao yan lei dou liu chu lai mah.. ye xu shi wo tai zhu zhong you yi? cai hui zhe me cai yi... huo zhe shi wo zi ji ba ni dang chen tai hao de peng you... ke neng zhe shi wo dan fang mian de xiang fa ba.. ke neng yao liang ke ren zhe yang xiang cai bu hui fa shen zhe yang de shi.. maybe its my fault.. idk..
ye xu shi wo tai cai yi hao peng you zhe me tui wo suo yi cai hui zhe yang...

er zi send me this song today.. love it.. the lyrics is nice... it made me cry.. lol

lalala

2009-05-20T09:24:00.003+08:00

took this 2 pic this morning.. looks nice to me.. sumhow reminds me of nice stuff.. cos sumone once told me that sunrise tells us that the happiest miracles still happen in the world.. (should be sumthing like that.. dunno y i suddenly cant rmb how that line goes..)

went to choir ytd.. conductor was funny.. and alot of ppl went.. lol.. 7 of us went tgt.. (qh, jj, serene, aaron, sh, wenny and me) lol.. the choir sounds nice sumhow too.. haha.. i miss le voci entro!... how i wish i could turn back time and go back there.. lol... then after that went to SCC room with qh, sh and wenny.. went there to see sh and qh play drums...
then hm swt hm...

lalala

2009-05-19T15:12:00.003+08:00

very sleepy now.. super bored~..

sch started at 8.30 today.. slept at 3 am last nite.. idk why i just cant seem to slp in the nite.. lol.. morning seems to be a better time to slp for me.. lol..
finalise mmp grp today.. wan to say alot of things bout it.. but nvm........................................ sumhowidonthaveagoodfeelingboutit.. *shhhhhhhh* haha... but i seriouly hope i'm very wrong about this.. (sumhow this reminds me... i haven finish my french project.. =.=)
went out to do sum stuff after mmp.. then came back to sch at bout 2+... now waiting for next lesson..

chat with a fren on sat.. haven spoke to her for a long time.. had a great chat.. just that the call ended suddenly cos my phone had no batt..
chat with another fren on sun.. also haven chat with this person for a long time.. haha..
overall had a not too bad weekend..

common test commin.. i'm in trouble.. i have no idea wat has been going on in class since the day sch started.. jialak liao...

these few weeks had been weird.. its making me wonder wat is wrong all the time.. maybe its me ba.. watever it is.. wish i could say it out sumhow.. cant seem to find the words i need to express wat i want to say..

howtochangelovetohate?howtochangehatetolove?isthereawaytodothat.. howtocontrollove?howtocontrolhatred?isthereawaytocontrolorchoosehowurgoingtofeeltowardssomeone???haiz...i'msurejealouslyisstillinme.. inidittogoaway... *GOAWAYjealousy!*butidkhow...

ahh~!... wtc.. i'm going to get sum slp now b4 the next lesson starts.. update tonite if i have the inspiration to blog.. lol..

2009-05-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

its getting worst and worst now... at this rate i'll go mad faster than i expected myself to last.. this is crap.. i hate it.. i hate myself.. i cant continue like this.. i will go back to doing stupid things if no one find a cure for me.. I NID TO TALK TO SUMONE!!!!!!!!!! i'm going mad trying to control.. feel dam irritated... cnt cry and cnt say to anyone... T_T

blogged at 4.11 pm

went out to watch movie with yuzhen today.. went to watch fireproof at her church... nice.. =) and its the 2nd time i'm watching it.. lol.. cos i ask kt to let me watch it liao.. love the movie.. watch until T_T both time also like this.. nice show.. got me thinking bout many stuff now.. haha.. next movie i wan to watch is facing the giants... haha cos yuzhen said that its nice also..

blogged at 11.30

haiz

2009-05-14T23:38:00.006+08:00

i'm going mad nowadays.. and i'll say u have to take sum of the blame.. lol.. idk.. my head doesnt seem to wan to listen to me.. its giving me tots that are either making me sad or angry.. =(

couldnt sleep last nite.. dunno y.. keep thinking of wat i blog about ytd.. trying to find a way to avoid it or run away from it.. its really torturing to keep thinking about it.. but i cant make myself dun think bout it.. it just keeps popping out in my head.. and the worst part is there are things that reminds me of it.. i'm exsausted.. give me a brk pls.. stop reminding me of it.. maybe i should learn to hate you.. but i really dont know how to do it.. but if i dun do this.. i think i'll end up hating the wrong person in the end.. maybe its my fault.. that now things are like this.. i'm doing sumthing wrong.. but i've decided to continue that mistake i made... cant imagine wat will happen if i did it the other way from the start... ~*starts imagining*~ wah.. cnt.. better stay this way.. even though i noe i wun feel happy with it.. wat the crap.. dun wan to expect too much.. wat if it gets worst.. i dun wan to taste more dissappointment.. i'm going to write a note to my problem...

"Dear problem,
pls for goodness sake, stay away from me.. i'm already trying to avoid u.. dun come to me pls... dun make things happen that will remind me of you.. i'll go mad soon.. pls dun make me snap..."

lol.. i think i'm really going mad...

i've found a temp way to help myself that is to blast music so loud that i cant hear my own tots.. haiz..

finally my guitar is tuned.. lol.. can play liao.. now i need sumone to teach me.. lol...
realise that i'm getting more and more interested in sumthing.. its like i keep wanting to know more bout it.. dunno y.. this is definitely not a bad thing...

well i guess thats all for now..

2009-05-13T23:34:00.001+08:00

feel dam wrong nowadays.. i hate the feeling of jealousy.. dam irritating and it will become hated soon if no one save me from all this... crap.. i feel dam crappy nowadays.. is there anyway to get out of this.. if there is, can sumone tell me.. =(

I don't like to feel that pain... That pain whereby u look at someone and know that he/she'll nv be yours no matter how much u love him/her... That feeling whereby your heart feels like its crying but the tears wun come out... That feeling when u look at that person and feel anger and sadness at the same time... The heart feels like its sinking cos u keep feeling the punches of pain that cannot be explained... Cos another person will never know how u feel unless he/she is in your position...

i think i'm going to go crazy soon... hahaha...

on mon, had french test... omg.. i dunno wat the hell am i doing at all.. i hope i pass.. after test the teacher let us watch a movie.. but we didnt manage to finish it.. he say continue next week... nice movie.. cant wait to see the 2nd half of it.. then went to meet my mum and she pass me my guitar.. i didnt noe it was this small.. lol.. maybe cos i didnt really touch it since i got it or thats its a toy.. lol.. but the sound is really =.= now.. maybe it need tuning?.. and i have no idea how to tune it... would any1 be so kind to tune it for me?? =) would be better if u r willing to teach also.. lol...

then on tues, celebrate maria bd.. =) hope that she'll be happy always.. =)

then today, was playing game almost thru out the whole of first lesson... then idk wat i doing during the 2nd lesson also.. then brk.. then pcn... this is the most boring module i have sia.. =.= should take a photo of the class next time when we having lesson.. haha.. almost no one listening.. best part today was when the teacher ask er zi wat no. he wrote on the board when the screen is blocking.. lol... funny... was watching movie thruout the lecture.. stress sia.. he keep looking at my direction when he's teaching... =.= only can look up but didnt noe wat was he talking about cos was listening to the movie.. lol.. if he ask me qns i sure jialak one.. but even if i did pay attention.. i think i also wun be able to ans his qns.. i haven finish the movie then jiu time to do prac liao... crap..

maybe its me but i feel more things that make me sad nowadays.. i hope i'm wrong.. :'( y cant i feel more happiness instead.. =( dunno if u'll ever see this but u're one of the reason y i feel this way.. haiz...

i feel like i have alot of things to say.. but i cant seem to find the words to say them.. and idk who is the correct person to tell them to.. even though i have a few ppl in mind, idk if they wan to listen to me rant.. got a feeling i might :'( when i pour everything out on sumone... hope i wun...

lastly, to ___: sorry...

well i guess thats all for now..

2009-05-05T13:08:00.002+08:00

i'm super emo now..

it doesnt really help when ppl agree with you but are not willing to help u.. i guess it has always been like this.. i've lied to myself so much that i didnt realise that i'm actually alone all the time.. i tot that sum1 will be there... but when i finally stop lying... i realise i only see shadows... shadows of my own and no one else... maybe trusting and believing too much is not a good thing... ppl can say they support u.. but when sumthing happens they will say its not their prob... i guess this are the ppl that were fanning the problem.. hoping to make it as big as possible... they nv really want to help you.. but just hope things would go their way.. and if any problem comes up.. its none of their business...

wat if i dun smile anymore? would anyone notice it? smiling seems to be more of a pain nowadays.. its more effort to smile than to emo and not smile at all..

i noe i've been abit crazy lately.. i'm sry...

sick

2009-05-02T00:31:00.003+08:00

haven blog for quite sum time.. dam bored now.. so here to blog abit...

i'm sick... crap.. feel dam uncomfortable.. =( head dam pain... but i cant get myself to slp... i think i slept too much today.. i think i started to feel abit unwell ytd.. then it got worse today afternoon.. until evening.. i bth then fell asleep on the sofa from 7 to 10.. dam hard to get myself up.. slpin didnt help much.. so now i'm tryin to make myself pespire.. maybe i'll feel better after tat...

well sch been fine so far... except for the fact.. i cant understand every lesson.. maybe i should start paying abit of attention.. but when i try to do that, i tend to fall asleep... =.= crap.. it takes more and more luck for me to pass each sem.. lets go thru wat are the lessons i went thru..

french: i guess its ok ba.. except for the fact i cant pronounce the words properly.. =.= and i'm havin a headache memorizing them also.. memorizing is definitely not my forte.. i forget stuff too fast... =.=

MMP: this lesson is quite fun... haha.. well at least this has prac.. i rmb hands on stuff more easily compared to those that requires u to just memorize.. i enjoyed my lessons so far.. but when its time to have music lessons.. i noe i'm goin to have a big headache.. i will need alot of help when it comes sia..

EM3a: so far i nv paid attention to any lecture other than the first lecture.. lol.. cos i couldnt understand at all when i tried once.. lol.. i only copy wat the teacher writes on the board.. but i do listen durin the tutorial lessons.. cos i actually understand wat the tutorial teacher is sayin.. lol..

ATE: this is one of the lesson i nv listen b4 also.. idk wat are we learning at all.. lol.. i'm startin to see my % of failing getting higher for this sem.. but thats for the theroy part.. the prac still not so bad.. at least i can do the prac for this week... haha..

DSP: we only attend this lesson once so far.. i have no idea wat we did also.. lol.. jialak..

PCN: well this one ok ba.. at least i did sumthing in class that day.. but the theroy part.. idk wat did the teacher teach at all.. lol..

hmmm.. i guess thats all ba... overall i nv pay attention in class much.. i'm goin to fail when i have test.. well but thats nothing new ba.. i've always been like this.. sad case.. if sumone can make me listen and understand in class i'll be thankful to that person.. lol..

well i guess thats all for now..

chalet & EE FOP

2009-04-20T13:33:00.004+08:00

haven update for very long... basically is cos i'm lazy.. lol.. and idk wat to type lei.. wil be updating bout 2 events today... 1 is the chalet and the other is the EE FOP...

first up : CHALET
avt had a class chalet on the 3, 4, 5.. but i only went on the 3 nite and left in the early morning on the 4.. lol..
reach there at bout 9+PM on the 3rd.. saw maria at the bus stop... dam blur.. couldnt find my way in.. lol.. then stupid kt summore ask me to find mr bean holding a bear.. =.= make me more blur... after getting in went to slack at the tables outside the room.. then at bout 2+ i think... sum of them say they wan to go to OCH.. but me and kantang didnt wan to go.. both of us didnt go while the rest(qinghui, eric, ernest, wenny, gary, lynette, chenchian, ian, jj, serene, luqman) went sumwhere near there to eat then went to OCH.. while me and kt when to watch the movie Knowing.. the movie was ok.. but the speaker in there was dam loud.. =.= OMG la.. dunnid to on so loud ba.. i cover my ears also can hear very clearly wat the actors saying.. lol.. and when there's sum explosion.. really dam loud.. lol.. then bout 3/4 thru the movie they came back.. but they cnt come up to get the room key from me so they waited for us in the bowling place... then after the movie end we went down.. and took sum photos there.. dam nice.. cos the lights keep changing colours.. lol.. then went back to the room and slack while sum of them go and shower.. after that they say wan to tell ghost stories.. and we only start telling them t bout 5 am =.=.. lol.. but its fun.. lol..
here's sum pictures taken that day...
first pic i take there.. we intially wanted just have all girls.. lol.. but..

taken on the way to the cinema..

taken at the bowling alley

another take.. actually there's a lot of take.. but dun wan to upload all of them up.. to many..

me, hannah and chenchian in the room..

next up : EE FOP [CAMP BREAK]
the camp lasted for 4 days..

13/4
day zero of the camp.. come to sch to make our bandana and for the freshies who will be in our grp... help out in the camp flag abit.. then learn the SL dance.. then lastly nap time.. lol... but b4 that went to complete the camp flag... cant slp sia.. the floor in the yoga room got alot of dust i think.. my nose and throat dam sensitive... cnt slp at all..
14/4
day 1 of camp welcoming of freshies.. stand under the sun for 1 hr sia.. dam hot.. my skin also turn red.. T_T.. lol.. sum of the SLs act as freshie.. lol.. after most of the freshies arrive.. there was sum ice brking games played... then after that we brk them into tribes to play ice brking games within the tribe.. then next into 2 seperate grps within a tribe.. my grp is BRINCE =) under my son.. lol.. with wen qi, jun yin, serene, jj and qinghui as the SLs of brince.. me, jj and serene took grp 2 of brince.. which is KATAK =) then had sum ice brking games within katak then dinner.. then after that they had sum time to practice their dance for talent nite during day 2.. next up is the amazing race.. then nap time... lol.. slept for a few hrs on this day ba..think slp for bout 2 hrs..
15/4
day 2 of camp.. wake up early to learn the SLs dance.. but quite alot of ppl cant wake up.. lol.. then went for brkfast... then they brk in to their classes to get to noe their own classmates... met the freshies for avt this yr.. lol.. but didnt play games with them.. cos head super pain.. feel so bad.. then after that.. they had lunch with their own classmates.. while the SLs go and collect our camp shirt.. then next is water games=) i love it.. haha... fun to have water splash on u when its super hot.. lol.. brince SLs was in charge of the battleship station.. lol.. had fun.. its one of the highlights of the camp for me.. =) lol.. then after that wash up and dinner... then the freshies and SLs headed to practice the dance item for the last time... and next up is talent nite... lol.. its cool... katak did a great job.. =) they did the dance all by themselves without the help of the SLs.. tumbs up for them.. lol... after all freshie grps havd perform.. it was the SLs turn to dance.. lol.. i really fail in dancing sia.. lol.. i cheated alot of times.. lol.. but overall shouldnt be that bad... lol.. tks to kk who chereograph the dance for us.. =) video of the dance is in facebook.. the after that back to sports hall for de brief.. then de brief for SLs.. after the de brief ended, brince SLs went to chit chat with the freshies.. feel bad that i didnt go.. =( (i didnt really spend much time bonding with my freshies...) then we ate pizza.. lol.. then waited to help do the video of photos for the camp.. slept only at 6+am...
16/4
last day of camp.. woke up at about 8.. then went to a LT.. lol... cant rmb which one izzit also.. help out at the enterence abit.. my job was simply to mark attendance for the ppl who come to get the book prize.. lol.. then sit outside chat chit while the book prize presentation was happening... then the maria came out to help carry sum stuff then sit there and chit chat with us also... then book prize recievers came out to eat.. we got to eat also.. cos the SLs who got the book prize took the food for us... lol.. and sum of them ask me to hold their book prize cert. i got 5 in total.. lol.. so i got crazy and went around telling ppl i got 5 book prize.. lol.. so random.. got the sudden highness in me at that time.. lol.. the cream puff was SUPER NICE! =) hahaha.. speaking of it.. i wan eat cream puff.. lol.. tks to the ppl who keep taking it for us.. lol.. then after that freshies came out to eat.. after eating went back for more admin stuff and sum talk (i think).. then after that i went in and Zzz.. dam sian.. lol.. then give out stuff.. brk camp.. and then back to yoga room for the SLs to take sum photos.. then went home.. lol...

overall had a enjoyable time.. =) guess i'll end here now..

bored

2009-03-29T16:33:00.002+08:00

maybe we expect too much out of sumthing simple..
so we get disappointed when it doesnt happen..
maybe we gave ourselves the wrong impression of how it will be..
and when it doesnt happen, we get disappointed..
maybe we put too much hopes on it and assume that that is how it would be..
and so we didnt bother to put the hard work in..
maybe if we bother to just think about it for another min,
we would have seen that mistake coming..
or maybe we've been trying too hard to make it work,
that it came out the opposite way..

maybe we knew all along that it wun work..
but still insist on trying..
wats the point of doing it when we know it wun work
maybe it cos we needed sum kind of prove..

wats the point of trying so hard,
when its not going to work anyway..

i guess its that process of learning that is worth is..

idk wat the crap am i trying to say.. maybe i'm too bored.......

emo

2009-03-28T00:49:00.003+08:00

pain is all over me.. :'( fear is all over me.. :'(
worries are all over me.. :'( lots and lots of them.. :'(
i'm losing myself.. :'( i'm losing this battle.. :'(

where am i going to look for anymore courage.. i'm to scare to carry on..
how to live properly when i have to feel fear all the time..

wo zhen de hen pa... wo mei you yong qi le.. zhe me ban :'(

wats wrong with me.. i really dunno.. am i going crazy?..
maybe its cos of all the fear.. but how to erase these fear..

ahhhhh.. wat the crap.. i'm mad.. guess i'll end here..

haiz

2009-03-21T00:09:00.003+08:00

got back results today.. so so ba.. know my own limits. better dun expect so much...
all the stress, all the pressure.. it just keeps adding and adding.. i'm going crazy..
i hate the me here...

cos she doesnt wan to pick herself up anymore..
everytime she picks herself up she falls down again...
too many scars permanent in her...
its like a cycle repeating itself...
get up then fall down again..
how many more falls can the me here take...

i feel like crying.. u can always not reply if u dun wan.. i dun deserve such replies.. i didnt do anything wrong.. my heart is crying... my heart is crying... crying alot... its has broke to too many pieces... i dun wan to pick them up anymore.. let the wind blow it away... i dun wan to cry anymore.. but i keep crying.. i dont know how much more can i hold.. :'( :'( :'(

ithinki'mgoingtosnapsoon...
inidashouldertocryon..
cryandcryuntilmytearsrundry...

but i did learn things from all the falls.. its just that............

trail camp

2009-03-14T23:37:00.007+08:00

Just came back from ee foc trail camp.. quite sian.. but not too bad.. aching shoulders and legs.. lol.. dun think i'll explain in detail wat happen.. i'll just random.. lol.. see wat i feel like typin.. and that update another time.. cos my mind now.. really cnt work very well now.. slpy~ the pics below were taken with my hp..

see they're the opposite of each other.. lol.. hei bai liang dao also went for the camp.. lol.. this was taken on the first day..

we slept at the loft for the 2 nites.. it was dam nice! this is a view from the loft balcony in our room.. the first 2 below is taken from the 10th floor.. the third one is from the 8th floor... we move down cos they say that our door's lock has spoilt..
cool~

another angle...

i took this the 2nd morning from our room...

lol.. and look at wat this 3 were doing on chenchian's bed...

and then it became 4 ppl.. this time on my bed.. lol.. this is take 1

take 2...

take 3.. lol... see! he's smiling.. he must be enjoying himself.. lol..

and after that.. lol.. emo? or maybe hai shao? lol.. but sumhow i like this pic..
this pics were taken on the 3rd day after we brk camp.. we stayed back to paint our tribe's flag... and it went thru the cloth and got on the table.. looks cool and nice.. lol.. these pics were taken by serene.. =)
take 1...

take 2...

well.. i guess i'll end here.. i'm going to slp.. i nid it.. lol.. will blog more bout this camp when i feel like it or if i can get more photos of it.. bye readers =)

2009-03-05T00:51:00.002+08:00

dam sian so i'm here to blog but dunno wat to blog.. haiz.. sum how i'm emo.. sum how i'm irritated..

wat the crap is wrong with u.. u attitude me for wat.. kns i nv do anything wrong to u to deserve that lor.. u idiot.. i'm not ur freaking toy u noe.. u happy happy tok to me, happy happy attitude me.. wat the crap is this.. if this frenship means nothing to you.. can u pls tell me.. dun make me waste my time thinking wat the crap is wrong.. i'll freaking go crazy la..

and a few days ago.. my stupid neighbour.. she freaking rolled her eyes at me la.. from downstair.. wat the crap is wrong with her.. idiot.. i hope her eyeballs drop out the next time she rolled her eyes at me.. or better it gets stuck at that position forever.. (i'll laugh sia if that happen.. lol..) kns.. its not totally my fault that she lose out when she came up and quarrel with me.. sum how i was unreasonable.. pls lor.. she was not freaking reasonable also lor..

and why the crap am i being scolded sia.. i didnt do anything wrong also.. wat in the world is wrong.. can sumone pls tell me y do i have to go thru all this.. can sumone explain to me the reason behind me going thru all this.. is there suppose to be a purpose in making me go thru all this.. :'(

seriously i'm at the edge of snapping.. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

lastly sumthing to be happy about.. i have great frens.. am thankful that i met them =)

idunnoyiwillfallforyou..
isthereanywaytochangeit..
u'llnvbemine..
i'mgoingtosufferagain.. =(

examz are over!

2009-02-22T02:31:00.001+08:00

exams are finally OVER!.. so i'm here to update wat happen during study week.. and this post will have alot alot of pics.. lol... cos sumhow i'm starting to like to snap pics...

>>>On 16/2, we went to do out amt project.. cos had to complete it for the presentation on 17/2... we didnt edit much of the midi.. but we did recording... before we did recording, kantang(luke) started to play the guitar and mummy(sheena) started snapping pics of him playing the guitar with her hp.. i was bored so i did the same thing also.. lol..

took a few pics but will just post this one which i think look the nicest.. lol..

after takin pics of kantang playin the guitar... i started to take pics of me with mummy and maria(yeeteng).. then after a while we use the mac computer there to take pics...

mummy and me...

mummy, maria and me.. lol..

and the pics below are taken usin the mac com there..
mummy, me and maria in the front, and at the back jiajun("dajie"..lol..) and qinghui

and another pic...

lynette and me wanting to bite mummy and maria's head.. lol.. jiajun and qinghui jumping at the back.. lol.. and the other person i cant fig out who is that.. lol..

>>>On the 17/2, we had our amt presentation.. idk wat to say about it.. lol... i dun think we will fail that rite??.. i hope not.. then after that the class split and me, maria, mummy, soon heng, wenny, serene went to eat at makan place... then we went meet up with lynette, eric and qing hui at ourspace...

then maria and me left our bags at there and went to look for soon heng's present with serene.. cos a few days ago we decided to celebrate soon heng and kantang's birthday tgt on the day of our eg2 paper after the em3a paper which is at 4.. we went to the co-op at c2 then serene left and me and maria went to the shops at blk 5 we couldnt really decide so we meet up wtih wenny and sheena there and made a decision on wat to get after a while.. then we wen to buy cardboard give them as bd cards..

then we went back to ourspace to study.. but i couldnt study at all.. and after a while maria stop studying also.. so we decided to start drawing on the cardboards.. lynette designed soonheng's card... maria and me designed kantang's card... lol.. but maria did most of the drawing cos my art cmi.. lol.. went on the net to search for the pics of mr potato head from toy story to draw on kantang's card.. lol.. i found it and ask maria to draw it and add a guitar to it.. and decide to paste the guitar picks we bought for him on the card..

and here's how it looks... lol.. nice rite.. =)

>>>On the 18/2 went to sch to study again... nothing much to say bout this day.. cant rmb in detailed wat happen.. lol.. here's a pic we took using ChenChian's phone cos she left her phone on the table when she went to eat with ian.. lol..

the pic.. nice rite.. lol

>>>On the 19/2, i went back to sch to study for eg2 which is on the next day.. once i reach sch went to ourspace.. then maria came, then mummy.. then at bout 10+ or 11+, ernest came to teach me eg2.. lol.. he went thru 1 whole paper with me.. then i try to do the rest.. then soon heng came.. and he did sumthing really funny.. lol.. all of us laugh until bth then at 5 ernest left and i started to watch pink panter 2.. lol.. then sheena left at bout 6.. me and maria left at 7+ and soon heng stayed on to study maths until i also not sure wat time.. lol.. then after i reach home continue to study eg2.. study until 2+.. =.=

this is wat was so funny..

>>>On the 20/2... THE DAY OF THE EG2 PAPER(9-11am).. was suppose to meet kantang at 7.30 so he can teach me how to do the qns i cant do from the pass yr papers.. but i woke up late and traffic was kind of jam in certain places on my journey.. so i reach at bout 8.. sry.. then he teach me the qns i cant do and we went in to do our exam.. crap.. idk how to do alot of qns.. so i just anyhow write.. and sum i just leave it blank..

then after exams went to ourspace with sheena and sum went to eat.. saw sum of the em3a ppl there so i ask them to sign on the birthday cards.. then when maria came back i ask from her for blue tag and i started pasting the guitar picks on kantang card.. cant really rmb which one is put where so qinghui and maria help me with it..
after the em3a ppl left we went to the carpet area to sit and sum start to study ael and wait for time to pass.. while waiting i tried to teach eric ael.. omg.. dam stress teaching him.. cos he keep asking me why why why.. =.= have to keep flipping the book to see how to explain to him why.. but after teaching him.. i kind of understand more.. cos i keep finding why to explain to him and sumhow i absorb sum of it.. lol..

then at 2pm maria and mummy went to buy the cake.. they were dam fast.. so all we had to do was wait for the em3a ppl to finish their paper and get kantang to come to ourspace cos he went to his cca room to study..
then when the em3a ppl finish their paper, i met up with them to let those who haven sign the cards sign them.. then ask them to go to the ourspace first and i went to wait for maria and mummy to come back.. then when the arrive in sch.. i call kantang and ask him to go to ourspace and serene to ask her to call me when kantang reach there..
then we went to the entrance facing makan place of ourspace to light the candles.. and for me to sign on the cards.. cos i realise that i keep asking other ppl to sign and i forget to sign myself..lol.. then we light the candles and bought the cake in to ouspace.. we took dam long to light the candles.. the wind keep blowing off the candles we light.. so we use the cake box to block the cake fire.. and sheena say if the box burn up she will laugh like hell.. lol.. and around this time serene called to say everyone has reached.. then maria and mummy ask me to hold the cake.. my hand was shaking the whole time while we walk in.. =.= and by the time we walk in the candles have melted half already.. lol... and when we reach near the place where they all were all the candles went off.. so we stand behind the wall to light them again.. and bought it in and sing the birthday song.. lol.. nt much of a surprise i think.. cos i think both of them should have guess wat we might do earlier on already.. then ask them to blow the candles.. and all the smoke were blown towards me cos i was holding the cake.. and in my mind i tot " wat if the smoke sensor went off?" lol.. it might happen one day... and if it does, it will be one of the funniest thing that ever happen to me.. lol.. and then we cut cake, eat cake..

Soon heng's bd card..

kantang's bd card

the cake...

the birthday guys..

them cutting the cake..

then it was time to study.. and by 7+pm we totally mess up the place we were with ael books and papers all over.. it was all so messy that we cant find our own papers.. lol.. i decided to take a few photos of how it looks and here they are.. lol..

the first pic i took.. can u see the twist??? lol.. this is the area i sit...

and this is the area lynette they all sit which was behind me... another twist =.= lol..

look at the mess.. lol.. we are hardworking.. =) lol..

the ppl who stayed backed to study ael... looks like sum informal meeting... lol..

this is the pic qing hui pretended to look like he is studying very very hard.. lol

another take.. ian caught not studying! lol..

this was taken by maria..

and this was taken by qing hui.. lol..

i left the place at 8+.. then went home continue to study until 2+ went to slp and woke up at 4+ to continue to study.. but i just keep stoning.. lol..

>>> and lastly 21/2... THE DAY OF THE AEL PAPER.. reached sch at 7+am to study.. but i ended up stoning alot.. i just keep staring at the paper and the paper stares back at me.. we both cant understand each other.. lol.. thn serene came.. and she i ask her to explain sum qns to me.. them we went to do our paper.. the paper is crap also.. idk if i did any thing correctly anot.. i hope i can pass.. just get a C can liao... i dun wan to retake any modules.. lol.. just as i look at the qns.. i start to forget the formulas.. =.= then after the paper.. should be happy.. but dunno y was dam emo.. crap.. then went home to get sleep.. lol..

i guess thats all for now.. this post is dam long already.. but b4 i go.. tks to the ppl who taught me either ael or eg2 b4 the exam.. =)

haiz

2009-02-14T00:58:00.004+08:00

went to sch today to study and do amt project.. well i nv really study actually.. lol.. randomly took sum pics..

i like the reflection in this pic...

forks.. lol.. this is the forks we didn't use when we ate cup noodle..

and kantang say tis is his saber.. =.= lol..

dunno wat to type liao.. here's sum random stuff i typed today..

I've made it obvious
done everything i could
to make you know i love you
but u just wouldn't get it

why is it that
even the people around can see it
but u can never see
the way i feel for you

i never knew it could hurt so much
i never knew that even
by just staying by your side
could cause so much pain to me

everytime i see you smile
i'll be happy for you
but i know your're smiling for someone else
and deep down i'm crying about it

we'll forever be stuck
in that grey area
the area which is so unclear, undefined
and thats whats gonna hurt the most

You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
took over my heart
and now left it there to bleed

xin tong dao yao si diao le T_T

idk wats wrong with me.. i feel like crying alot.. i think i'm going to break down again soon.. i'm so useless.. keep crying and crying all the time.. i'm so sick of myself.. i hate the me i see everyday T_T i'm a idiot.. i'm really afraid.. idk wat to do.. idk who to go to when i cry.. idk how long more can i last..

lalala

2009-02-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

here to update again... dunno wat to say actually..

went to esplanade on mon.. was a very fast visit.. lpa took a much longer time to finish.. after that went to penisula with yeeteng(maria), sheena(mummy) and luke(kantang).. then went home.. lazy to update bout the trip will put pics of it when i get them.. for now here's a photo of the whole class.. lol..

had amt and lpa test today.. dun wan to think bout it anymore.. i crap thru the whole paper.. =.= give me notes also no use.. cant understand.. lol...

then after lpa, went to the itt class.. lol.. slack there a while then went to ourspace and create a blog for shamus with maria.. lol..

i guess thats all for now.. lazy to blog liao.. lol...

what if i say you r the reason i'm like this..
what will you say..

Happy CNY

2009-02-07T23:25:00.000+08:00

happy CNY everyone.. today is the 12 day of CNY.. lol
its been a long time since i last blog here.. reasons for not blogging is cos i'm lazy and i dunno wat to blog about..
well sch has been fine so far.. and i'm worrying alot bout my upcoming exams.. this is the fist time i panic so early.. lol.. i usually wait till a few day days b4 exam then i start to worry.. but this time still got bout 1 week+.. ya i'm dam slack.. well i've always been like this.. this explains alot y my results are like this.. lol.. here are some random pictures...

tis is a pic of a butterfly i took. i saw it o the floor outside my hse.. its suppose to be dark blue.. but my hp camera dam bad =.= so it looks like its black...

tis was taken on serene bd.. =)

this was taken during eeps.. i was bored so i took the wires and bend them.. lol..
speaking of eeps.. i had eeps test ytd.. it was da crap.. i couldnt connect to make the thing work.. i just hope i'll pass.. dun wan to expect too much..

on the 30 feb, my class "lau yu sheng" tgt.. cool.. first time.. haha.. skipped lesson that day, was late already so might as well skip.. lol.. so during that time we(me, yeeteng, jiajun, serene, soonheng, ian, chenchian, luke, luqman.. erm i cant rmb who else.. lol.. ps)went out to buy yu sheng.. haha..
this is the aftermath it.. lol..
will put more photos of it when i get the photos, but i must first rmb to ask for it.. lol

and lastly this is a pic of maria and me =)

examz are coming.. =.= i seem to be in a very big trouble.. i'm so lost for every single module.. i nid a miracle now... like suddenly i'll understand everything i nid to know for my examz in a very fast speed... lol..
cried 3 times ytd =.= crying is exhausting... i seriouly hv to find a way to stop myself from crying like that... sry to the ppl who saw me cry.. didnt mean to scare ur.. lol..
well i guess i'll end here.. will be back to blog when i feel like it.. haha

2008-12-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

i'ts christmas eve.. Merry Christmas the person who is reading this.. =)

went to the esplanade to pass up my lpa paper and watch acapella on the 19 of dec.. the show was great.. haha and here's a picture of the outdoor theatre...

and heres sum picture taken on ian's bd..

ian and his cake..

chen chian and him cutting the cake...

this pic looks like ian is forcing chen chian to eat the cake.. haha

well, i guess thats all for now...

holidays

2008-12-12T18:12:00.000+08:00

its the holidays!.. 3 wks, no sch.. =) for now its good haha.. but after maybe 1 wk i'll start missing sch.. lol.. but wait until that time comes then say ba..

tues was EG2 paper.. hope i pass it.. lol.. i blank 13 marks.. and 10marks was from to 1 qns.. so in my paper u can see that there is one very nice and clean page with just the qns no. and nothing else.. lol..
then on wed is amt and lpa paper but lpa cancelled =).. i think i can at least pass amt.. i seriously hope i really do pass it.. cos its the only paper i got more hope of passin compare to the others.. lol.. emo like crap on this day.. haiz..
finish my last paper(AEL) ytd(thurs).. it was total crap.. i think it would take a miracle for me to even get a just pass... i basically crap thru the whole paper.. i wonder where all the things i studied went to.. my brain just doesn't seem to wan to process anything bout it...
i seriously dun wan to see my results now.. lol...

exam days r the time where i spent most of my time in sch.. go early and go hm late.. just to study.. lol.. but i only have myself to blame.. lol. cos thats the only time where i will seriously sit down and feel like studying.. usually, i'm in no study mood mode... so even if i take a bk out and wan to study.. i wun be able to concentrate at all.. i'll just daydream with my bk open in front of me.. lol..

for now.. time to relax and then look for a job.. cos i got a feeling my allowance is goin to drop =.= i seriously hope it wun happen.. but if i have a job i wun take allowance from them then.. lessen their burden.. lol..

seems like my LJ is full of emo post only.. dunno y.. dun seem to have much happy things to write about..

i really dunno how to walk to u and tell u i love u... but i noe its impossible to expect anything back from u.. so as long as ur happy, i'll be happy for u.. and i'll keep this love i have for u deep in my heart until it passes...

emo

2008-12-09T22:56:00.000+08:00

emo emo emo.. this is like the most wrong time to emo.. but still i'm emoing.. y cant ur be nice to me during the exams so at least i can study.. i'm so sick and tired of everything.. i dunno wat to do or wat to say anymore.. wats wrong with believing in wat i say.. i dun understand.. do i really deserve 0% of trust... am i that hard to trust... wats wrong with me.. its like there's nothing good bout me at all.. the more ur scold me the more i hate myself.. how how how... i seem to be emoing more and more now.. maybe i should just go back o how i use to be last time.. cos now even if i laugh i can't convince myself that it doesnt sound fake.. cos it sounds dam fake so fake that it hurts even by just thinkin of it..

wat if every memory and flashback just brings in more pain?... :'(

lalala

2008-12-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

ytd had sch as usual.. then durin aeeps started takin pics.. but will just post a few here.. ytd's lesson was quite fun.. haha.. maybe i'll start to enjoy this lesson more than usual?.. well i hope so.. the teacher was funny ytd.. lol..

gary, maria and me

yeeteng and me...

then after sch.. went to our space to study.. at first was with soonheng only cos couldnt find the rest who say they wan to study.. then when soonheng went down with his fren.. he msg me and told me the rest were eatin at c1.. then after a while.. they came up.. all walk pass me but no one saw me =.= so they went to look for a place at the back.. then eric walk back out then only he saw me.. he say my presence very low so no one can see me =.=" wth... say until like this.. lol.. then when soonheng came back.. went inside to the place the rest were to study.. but sumthing happened.. so started to emo like siao.. then went to ourspace the balcony.. sat there and chit chat with serene until the sun went down.. that place is super nice when its bout 6+ 7pm.. quite windy when the sun starts to go down.. i like that place.. lol.. then me and serene say that durin the eefoc next yr if both of us come back.. we will go to that place during the evening.. =) i'll be looking forward to that day.. we both even crap bout opening emo club.. haha..

serene and me...

my new emo place..

lalala

2008-12-02T00:50:00.000+08:00

today is my "nu er" wenny's birthday.. haha.. and the class celebrated it for her during auto cad.. =)

see she looks swt rte.. haha..

me, soon heng and wenny (my "son" and "daughter" lol..)

well soo much has happen recently.. i'm in a mess now.. and its like i made this mess and jump in myself.. dumb rite.. i goin to siao le.. and heres sumthing karling show me that is nice.. haha

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and
everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus
is you and this person and you realize that that person is
the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest
of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift
and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel
so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will
go away all at the same time.”

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way,
that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a
clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not
knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making
the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen
next.”

Love is like grass. If you fall on it, it may leave a
stain and some temporary pain. But you’ll get over the
pain, it will eventually stop hurting. Now maybe the stain
ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was
nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain
remains there. And with time, it will begin to fade, but
it will always be there, a permanent reminder that you,
too, once fell.”

ya.. i agree with it sumhow.. well i guess thats all for now..

hmmm

2008-11-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

it's weird bout wats happening.. is it good? or is it bad? y izzit that wat i wan nv happens to me.. oh well.. but its ok for now.. my life is quite exciting now.. lol..

tok to sheena bout my life.. and it got me thinkin..

if my life was a show... it would be series 2 now.. but series 2 of poly life only.. if its my whole life.. it should be so much more than that... if my whole life until now was witten into a book.. i think there will be bout 8 bks now.. just look at how messy my life is.. u will understand.. haiz..

how am i goin to make myself happier when everytime i look at ur msn nick, my heart hurts cos i noe u'll nv be mine.. :( but as long u're happy.. i'm happy for u..

y izzit that everytime i see sumthing bad in other ppl's blog i feel that its tokin bout me... haiz..

well ytd our class celebrated hannah's and limin's bd in advance..

the bd girls =)

hannah and limin cuttin the cake..

limin's cake..

hannah's cake..

well i guess that's all for now..

2008-11-14T00:19:00.000+08:00

i didnt do like wat i sad in one of my previous post said.. about leaving the frenship as it is.. i didnt wan to give up on it so i tried again.. but it seems like nothin i'm doin is working.. its all dam weird... i'm worrying more than i should be.. it shouldnt be like this... i dunno wats happening to me.. its like i'm tryin to push it away now.. i'm doin the opp of wat i'm suppose to do.. i'm dam emo now.. i dunno y..

anyway, it was jiajun's bd ytd.. and the class bout a cake for him..

this is the cake...

and this is him eating the cake.. lol..

and here's a video i took while serene and yeeteng bought the cake in for him =)

it reminded me of my bd.. was dam happy that day.. and thinking bout it now.. the memory is still as sweet as before... =)

another blog..

2008-11-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

i've made another blog for myself with livejournal.. so now i'll have to manage 2 blogs =.=.. lol.. cos i dun bear to close this one down.. too much memories.. happy or sad.. they are all part of my memories.. so i'll try to update both blog as often as i can with diff stories to tell each..

=.=

2008-11-08T01:37:00.000+08:00

its obvious that i was forcing things.. this friendship wasnt meant to be how i wan it to be... i was the one hoping that it would be how i wan it to be.. so i keep forcing that information into my brain.. but it seems like no matter wat i do it wun turn out wat i wan it to be... maybe its time i put a stop to this and let it just stay as it is.. it wun help if i keep focing also.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. both parties must wan it to be like that then it would be like that.. so i'm leaving it as it is.. its wat u say today that made me realise it.. u only make frens with me for the sake of it.. if u r goin to do sumthing for me and is not at ur own will... its wrong then.. well u said sumthing sumhow like that and shouldnt be like wat u say.. thats not how true friendship should be.. so i'm leavin it as it is.. unless sumhow sumthing changes.. if not we'll nv become close frens.. it wun wk.. [nvm.. its not that i dun have close frens, just tot that u could be 1 of them too.. and seems like i'm wrong...] and i'm writin all this here cos i noe the person wun bother to read my blog..

hmm

2008-11-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat went wrong with me today... I SNAPPED!!! and it went on for bout 1 hr.. was dam tired after that... sumthing have been wrong since ytd liao.. i was dam lost the whole day.. i dunno where my mind is at all.. its just wondering everywhere... i spend my whole day making sure i had stuff to do so i wun think of the things that was makin me go crazy... then today.. was totally siao in the morning liao.. but i didnt wan to snap so fast... was just hoping i could control until it passes.. but it seems like i cant.. i snap the moment i reach sch... so i went to class put down my bag and went to the toilet.. and in the end i didnt attend the first leson at all... lol... the moment i went in to the toilet, the tears started coming out already... didnt wan to be alone.. so i called serene with my phone and she came to the toilet to accompany me.. [tks serene.. =)] and in the end she nv attend the first lesson also.. [sry..] and she came super fast... its like i just put down the phone only and she come in.. shes a really nice person.. i cried harder when she came.. but it seems like the harder i cry.. the deeper the pain gets.. i dunno y.. then after a while wenny came.. and she stayed there a while with me to console me then she went to class put her bag and came back to the toilet again... she too nv attend the first lesson bcoz of me.. [i feel so bad.. that both of them didnt attend the lesson bcoz of me... so sry..] then after a while hannah and larissa came in.. and the both of them also stayed in the toilet until the lesson end then went back.. they say they would only go back if i went back to the class too.. but i dun think i need the rest of the class to see me in such a state ba.. lol.. then sheena came in.. and we stayed there until the lesson end... then we went back to take our bags when yeeteng told us that the teacher have left the class... then we went to canteen... then ael lecture... then those who are in the 2nd shift for the lab test went to our space to slack until when it was time for our eeps lab test.. i didnt noe wat i was doin during the test also.. was lost.. lol... so i've no idea if wat i was doin was rite anot.. lol.. then went to lvl 5 of blk 23 for a while then went to c1 then went hm...

i'm lucky that i have such nice friends... =) they are my source of comfort that my life isnt that bad..

it seems like i'm mad.. i get pissed of so dam easily nowadays.. little little stuff will make me piss off.. and i'm starting doubt if i can trust sumone.. i dunno y.. i wan to trust this person... but.. i dunno i'm scare i guess.. i trust wrong ppl too many times.. i dun wan to feel that pain again...

=(

2008-11-04T14:04:00.000+08:00

"I hate the me who's bad tempered... I hate the me who hate someone else... I hate the me who's afraid of wats may happen next... I hate the me who thinks negatively... I hate the me who complain... I hate the me who cries... I hate the me who wants to give up... I hate the me who breaks other ppl hearts... i hate everything bout me.. i'm the worst person in the world.."
-->This was wat i was thinkin when i was crying today.. =(
i dunno why was i thinkin of all that.. my life has been a rollar coaster ride =.= i dunno if its good or bad.. but i'll tell myself that maybe its better than a boring one.. so at least i wun feel so bad.. my life's not that bad.. its just a little weird?.. i dunno.. different from usual?... i really dunno... i'm kind of tired of tryin to convince myself all this every now and then =.=
things are changing.. to the better or worst.. i dunno.. i just noe its changin... even i have changed.. and i dunno wat have i become now.. good? bad?... i dunno.. there are just too much qns in me that have no ans.. ppl change and can do it in just one *snap*...

anyway, today i found sumthing funny during the dep practical lesson... lol..

haha.. i told yeeteng bout it when i saw it and she ask me to take photo of it.. i only realise it today even though i use this thing last week too.. lol..

the CPf board send a letter to my hse the other day... they spelt my name wrongly =.=" since it's from the govt, shouldnt they check it before they type it down.. =.=" even though most of teachers pronounce my name wrongly but at least the attendance list spells it correctly...

today i realise sumthing.. lol.. pls dun tell me its goin to be a start of that headaches all over again =.=

sad

2008-11-02T13:56:00.000+08:00

ever felt that a frenship with one of ur fren wun last?... well i do now.. and it feels crap... i dun like that feeling.. cos its just telling me no matter wat i do wun help to let this frenship move on.. stupid rite?... lol.. kind of sad cos i do hope it'll last.. but this is not the first time i feel this way towards this frenship i'm thinkin about.. its just that last time i choose not to think about it so much and hope that maybe if i try to make it work it wun end.. but it seems like no matter wat i do, its not working =.= ... maybe i shouldnt try anymore?.. or i should have trusted this feeling from the very first time i felt it was ending... actually i dunno y i wan it to last also.. maybe i'm mad.. i expected too much out of it.. my fault.. sad.. but its also that other person fault sumhow.. cos that person shouldnt have promise me that that person will be able to wat a best fren can do when the person actually cannot.. its sad to feel this way... and to think of wat that person once say.. y did u promise me things u cant do... =(

i'm tired...

2008-10-28T14:28:00.000+08:00

I didn't choose my family to be like this... Y do ur keep scolding me... Its not that i don't feel any pain when i look at my own family... I'm not that heartless... If i was then i wun be crying now... U dun know how much pain i'm going thru... U dun know how much i envy other ppl with happy family... Ur dun know that every word ur say hurts alot... In ur eyes i'm forever useless... U nv like anything i do... No matter how much i make an effort to let my exams pass... Its still not good enough for u... Do u know how much i wan a happy family also... But its just impossible... And my memories with my family being happy tgt is also zero... All thats left are photos which my mum has cut some of them... I can still rmb the time when i was nearly knock by a car... She nv even show concern for me and still let her stupid bf scold me saying that i was stupid to stand there... Sometimes i think that maybe it would be better if the car knock me down... Its like i'm so not wanted in this world... How can every wrong thing in the family that happen be my fault... Even if i nv do anything wrong also scold me... Because no matter wat, to ur, everything i do is wrong... Nothing i do will ever be rite to ur... I keep telling myself i must try to understand ur all de feelings... If it makes ur happy when u scold me then i let ur scold... Even if i nv do anything wrong also i let ur scold me... So i'll just force myself to think that maybe somehow its my fault... Maybe i should be scolded... Maybe i deserve to be like this... :'(

pain

2008-10-23T13:32:00.000+08:00

its been a wk since sch start.. i dunno y i just get more and more tired each day.. i spend the whole afternoon slpin ytd but still feel tired after i woke up... -.- well, the first week is not so bad ba.. as usual alot of physics.. and now even got sum chemistry.. i'm gonna die sia.. if u oe me well enough u should noe my physics and chem is all gone case one.. lol.. actually i dun think i have any sub which i'm good at also.. just that i'm tyco enough to pass all of them.. lol...
well did have sum sad days last wk.. but cant rmb when.. just rmb have.. not a nice thing to rmb also.. hope i wun have to rmb sad things.. happy ones are enough..
i miss my parents.. i dunno y.. just sum random feeling i have every now and then.. would it be better if i was heartless?... i dunno.. maybe i wun feel so much then..
lookin at my parents mariage.. i'm scare.. wat if mine become like this also... omg.. then i dun wan to have children.. i dun wan them to go thru wat i've gone thru... its dam pain sia.. even until now.. this moment this second as i'm typin this.. and the pain of the tears wantin to come out but u cant seem to find sumone to lend u a shoulder is just makes me feel more terrible.. i cant imagine how much i'll cry when i finally find one.. i dunno how much i'm tryin to control and not let it out.. i'm almost reach the stage where i cannot hear any slow song.. any slow song will just make my tears come out..
and to make it worst, i have frens who suka suka tok to u suka suka give u face.. wth.. i dun understand y am i not heartless enough.. if i am then i wun hav to bother bout all this..

first day of 2nd sem...

2008-10-13T23:57:00.000+08:00

today is the first day of sch for this sem.. well sch's alrite.. lol.. its currently sum place better to be for half of the day compared to being at hm the whole day... lol... i guess after being at hm for so many wks with nothing to do i can appreciate sch more... lol..

woke up at 6+am today... lol.. dam sia... so shower and everything see the time 6.30am only.. was dam early to go to sch sia.. so i went to put my contacts.. it kept slipping from my finger =.= so when i came out of the toilet it was already about 7.. lucky i wake up early.. lol.. then went to take bus to meet sheena at amk station.. lol.. amk station was dam hot sia.. lol.. then after meetin her... went to take bus 74 to sch.. she came later then we were suppose to meet so she was late for class... and she decided not to go to any class for today.. =.= she went to sch just to see us today.. lol.. swt rite.. haha.. then after me and sheena reach sch.. we waited for yee teng at cheers.. then went to canteen to slack for a few mins with a free cup of teh peng from sheena... (lol.. tks..)

then went for first lesson... first lesson only lasted for bout half an hr.. lol.. then went to buy bks.. then lunch at c1 and then went to the student plaza to print time table and buy bks with maria.. lol.. then both of us went to ourspace to look for the rest who were there.. slack a while with maria.. lol.. must say shes a totally dam nice person to be around with... lol.. like sheena.. no stress when i'm with them.. haha.. then went for the next lesson which is the 2nd lesson for the day.. dam sian... kept yawnin so my eyes were no dry anymore.. lol... it was dam dry b4 that sia.. learn sumthing there.. but i dunno wat it was.. lol.. then next 3rd lesson.. also dam sia.. so i ended up spending the whole of the last lesson doin personality test and sum other random test that was on a website with kt... lol.. it was funny la.. well its abit more entertaining compared to wat the teacher was teaching.. lol.. seriously anything to do with science is not going to be entertaining for me.. lol.. then after lesson, ask maria to go to the toilet with me to remove my contacts.. then went hm.. lol.. well then that was the end of my first day in sch.. lol..

tmr will be 2nd day... i hope it will be good also.. haha.. well actually i was worried bout sumthing just now alot... lol.. but now, i fig that i've got more impt things to worry about compared to that.. like will i be able to cope with all my modules mah.. i'm startin to worry i may have choosen a course that may be too much for me to take sia.. die..

and this is the pic i took with sheena in the bus on the way to sch.. lol... she wore grey contacts and me blue... lol...

blue eyes.. lol..

2008-10-11T13:13:00.000+08:00

finally bought blue contacts yesterday.. i just simply love blue eyes.. lol.. and today is my first time wearing it.. so while wearing it and waiting for time to pass.. i snap photos of me with blue eyes..

take 1 without specs... lol..

take 2...

this time with specs...

just the eyes...

and the close up one one eye.. lol..

but still i must say.. its dam difficult for me to put them on -.- i spend half an hr puttin it on and another half an hr taking it out.. lol.. hmmm.. wonder if i should put them on to sch on mon... lol..

lalala

2008-10-09T14:58:00.000+08:00

its 4 more days b4 the next sem starts.. lol..

i totally snap the day b4 ytd.. i was crying like mad.. it was sumhow more of fear that brought out my tears instead of sadness.. even thought its part of it too... lucky no one saw me.. i couldnt stop myself.. i dunno y.. so i decided that maybe tokin to sumone would help.. lol.. the funny thing i i unno who to call when i took out my phone.. i only noe that no matter who i call the person may freak out hearing me cry like this... and in the end i did call sumone.. and i was rite.. after i put down the phone... i was able to make myself calm down.. sumtimes i wonder y i'm like this.. i cant seem to fig it out other than i'm useless?.. i dunno.. sumtimes i guess i just nid a break from all this happenin in my life.. its gettin abit too much for me to take.. it has been like this since i understand wat is happenin around me.. -.- i'm totally tired.. maybe snapping a little sumtimes is not a bad thing.. i dunno wat more must i do b4 everyone around me will be happy... all i noe now is that i cant make 2 parites statisfy at the same time.. and its makin me sad..

well nothing is perfect and all i can do now is be as positive as i can.. or at the very least try to make myself happy abit... it sure is better to be smiling than crying.. lol.. not that my life is dam sad now and that i dun smile or laugh at all.. but sumtimes i just smile to just cover up my sadness i wouldnt mind if i could have more laughter that comes truly from my heart.. lol.. maybe its my way of looking at things.. i tend to look at all the negative side of things and hardly ever the positive.. cos even if i do.. i convince myself that positive stuff may not happen to me.. lol..

but even though after all i've gone true.. i'm still consider a happy person.. lol.. at least i think i am.. i've learn alot thru all this... like not all things would turn out the way i wan them to be.. and when it happens the opposite way i wan them to be all i can do is try my best to accept it.. sumtimes it isnt that bad after i've accept it.. its just a different outcome.. and if the ppl involve are happy with it then maybe wat i really wanted was not that impt..

now i'm doing sumthing that is making me happy... lol.. i'm reading.. lol.. well not that readin anything will make me happy... but i'm readin sumthing i like... haha.. well, actually i finish reading all the bks from the twilight series that i have but i decide to re read it.. cos its DAM NICE... lol.. i love the story so so much.. i've spend almost everyday reading at about 3-5 hrs for the last 3 wks(?) or maybe more... lol.. i cant rmb when i started reading like this.. lol.. i nv really realise how much i love(or would like) readin until now.. lol.. well, maybe its cos i like the story also.. i tend to be more willing to read/do sumthing when i like wat i'm doin/readin.. and will be totally not willing to do it if i dun like it at all.. lol.. i MUST watch this movie when its out.. lol.. but it will only be out in dec in sg.. -.- awww... the waiting process is going to be terrible.. lol.. well back to readin.. i think i've blog enough for now.. lol..

but b4 i go.. i wan to say tks to the ppl who were concern about me that day.. TKS ALOT=) i dun think i have to mention who ba.. ur noe who u r.. =)

sian

2008-10-05T16:34:00.000+08:00

i finally finish the 4th book(breaking dawn) at 1+am... lol... i tot i'll take 10 days.. i took lesser than that.. haha.. dunno y.. maybe i'm readin faster compared to when i started.. lol.. not really sure.. haha.. well.. i'm bored now le.. lol.. so here to blog.. lol.. well i got nothin to blog actually.. oh ONE MORE WK B4 SCHOOL STARTS.. haha... i cant wait.. i feel dam bored at home.. haha

lol

2008-09-30T17:11:00.000+08:00

well.. just finish readin the 3rd bk eclipse... hmm at 1+ am ba.. lol.. then next will be readin the next one breaking dawn.. lol.. nearly vomit blood while asking for it.. lol..
went out today.. or should say ytd judging from the time.. and sumthing happen which is funny.. lol.. i went to a place which sells shoes.. to look at the shoes.. and then suddenly a women who looks older than my mum walk towards me and tell me..
women: auntie this shoes should fit you. wan to try?
me: erm. i'll look around first.
women: ok.
then i try a shoe and felt that it was comfortable so i told her..
me: ok i wan this.
then the women says ok... then look at me for a while while i tok to my grandmother.. then she suddenly ask...
women: how old are you?
me: 18.
women: o... you look so young. i tot u 16 yrs old only..
me: -.-'"
and in my head i was think..."you just call me auntie just now.. since when a person 18 should be called auntie by a person who looks older than my mum -.-"
lol.. karling say this person split personality.. haha... maybe ba.. but it got me wondering do i seriously look that old... cos after that when i got hm.. and wanted to close the door a lady who should also be older than me mum (can tell from the way she looks and her hair) stop me from closing the door by saying "auntie, wait!" i was like -.-... i really look that old meh.. both the women are older than my mum and call me aunie.. actually they look like their about 40+/50 yrs old... even older than my dad... -.-''' i must look like a 70 yr old person for sumone that age to call me auntie ba.. omg.. i'm gg to faint..
lol.. well back to reading... haha..

haiz

2008-09-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

sumtimes its real sad reading other ppl's blog.. well today i went to look thru one of my fren's blog... look thru the older post.. look thru the chat log... it kind of makes me sad.. cos it all makes it seems like i'm such a bad fren.. it makes me feel like i'm a bad person to make frens with.. the more i read and think of it.. the faster i think i will go back to how i use to be.. thats scary.. i made alot of effort to walk out of that fear and become more cheerful.. but all that has happen seems to be tellin me i should go back to how i use to be.. and i dunno how to tell this to anyone.. i dunno how to say it... i dunno how to explain y am i scare... i dunno how to explain y am i crying.. i dunno who to turn to if i wan to cry.. sumtimes i think maybe i shouldnt exist... =(

and to sumone: if ur goal was to make me feel bad and make me think that i'm a bad fren.. u just did it... congrats... i feel like i'm a dam fren now..

updates of me... erm.. i finished readin the second bk(i mention the other time.. the name of the second bk is new moon) at 2.55am last nite.. lol.. or should be mornin.. haha.. will read the next one(eclipse) tmr maybe.. but first have to get it.. lol..

lalala

2008-09-20T14:27:00.000+08:00

today was a fine day.. woke up at 12+ today.. then eat lunch, bathe and went back to bps to get my 0 lvl cert and testi... then i went to choir and after a while i left to look for sum of the teachers who taught me.. then i went to the the dnt rm to see the my last yr dnt project... lol... and i took a pic of it instead of bringin it back cos i'm afraid that it will not last long in my hse... lol.. and i dun really have a place to put it... lol.. and this is a pic of it...

then after that i went back to choir and stayed there till the practice end.. it was wonderful.. i'm so proud of my junoirs.. they sound great... =)
then i went hm and read my testi from my sch.. lol.. i dun think i'm as good as wat the testi writes.. lol.. if ur ever read it 1 day u'll laugh.. lol..

just got back my 1st sem results on erm.. mon i think.. lol.. its not good actually.. well but i shouldn't expect too much from myself.. lol.. but i'm sumhow still not that happy..
have been sleepin later and later these few days.. lol..cos i keep readin a bk name twilight.. lol.. its nice.. haha.. tks to the ppl who recommended it to me.. lol.. at least i didnt spend the time doin nothin when i slp late.. lol.. and i spend 4 or 5 days readin it every nite.. and finally i finish it at 2.30am at erm 2 or 3 days ago.. lol... and now i'm readin the 2nd bk.. well i guess thats all for now.. gtg back to readin... lol..

aaaarrrggghhh...

2008-09-13T07:22:00.000+08:00

i'm so dam angry with this person... this person who cant seem to stop complainin.. and today wat they say is dam **** up.. this person today complain and say the shirt we hang out got water drippin.. but we take in dun have lei.. ya just now really is have la.. but when have the time we hang it at the side mah.. and we see they really nv hang anything out then we put it out one... and when dry liao then i move it to the middle... stupid ppl... sum shirt is hand wash mah.. how can u expect it to be 100% dry.. if use hand squeeze can make it so dry then buy washing machine for wat... then today wat she say make me dam angry... she tell my grandmother "chi zhe me lao le mei you tou nao.." WTF.. u stupid bloody idiot... like wat karling say.. she so lao liao no manners.. how can she say such things to a person older than her.. mei you jia jiao at all sia... u say me i dun mind la.. but if say such things to my grandmother then cannot liao.. stupid bloody b***... later next time ur children say that to u.. i will laugh at u.. and u cannot blame them cos u show them that since u can do this, they also can... this is not the first time lor.. that time i just say kns only u say me knl.. WTH... i knl then u wat... kn** ar.. then that time they come up my hse and scold my grandmother.. stupid ppl.. wait until only got my grandmother at hm then dare to come up and scold.. bully old ppl... how can like that... y dun they come up when got alot of ppl at hm.. when everyone at hm they only dare to scold thru the window.. say wat stay with us she unlucky... then we very lucky meh =.= they only scold us one lor.. stupid.. other ppl drip water down they also nv scold.. only scold us.. i see so many times le lor.. want to scold, scold everyone who drips water la.. just scold us for wat... other ppl also drip water summore is on her clothes.. she also nv scold.. and lookin at the way she hang her clothes make me angry de lor.. hang until like peacock open up the feathers like that.. how we hang... she abit wet also cannot.. then our clothes dunnid to dry meh... her one bamboo can hang from the morning until the sun go down le still there... =.= even wan to hang at nite also must wait untill late late... haiz.. fa xie gou le.. i'll end here... lol...

hmm

2008-09-06T14:00:00.000+08:00

today is suppose to be the 9th day of wk if i went but i didnt... lol.. was dam tired this morning that i nearly fell while walkin out of the rm so i decided not to go and went back to slp... first day of wk was on the 28/8.. was super freaked out that day that when i came hm i cried.. dunno y also.. really didnt wan to go anymore but still i went the next day.. and it got a little bit better.. its still ok now.. but i do get freaked out sumtimes still.. lol.. guess i'm gg crazy...feel quite down this few days.. dunno y also... kind of miss my bro.. lookin at his pics from his blog my tears actually wanted to come out.. haha.. funny.. lol.. kind of worry for his examz... lol.. hope he will pass ba.. he should be able to pass one.. but he seems to lazy to study.. lol.. i rather he pass and get better results than me than he fail.. (actuaaly i rather we get the same results.. lol..) feel like i got alot of things to say.. but dunno how to say.. feel like cryin but dunno who to cry to... :'( wats wrong with me.. i'm gg crazy...

lalala...

2008-08-26T13:41:00.000+08:00

i found this from the offical jonas brother friendster account... its nice... lol... its the stripped version of 3 of their songs... =)

BBQ

2008-08-24T14:59:00.000+08:00

went for avt bbq ytd... it was fun.. haha... eraly morning wake up jiu bei nag nag nag... so scare they wun let me go sia... lucky in the end also can go... at first went to meet sheena, luqman and luke at bedok mrt... i didnt noe that from my hse take mrt to bedok only bout 1 hr... lol.. cos i left my hse at 3+ and still can reack at 4+ i tot it would be later... lol. i took the same train with sheena but we were both on different ends of the train... lol... then when we reach... we walk to the bus interchange and from there we took a bus to get sum bbq food and then from there took cab to east coast... just as we board the cab it started to rain... and it got heavier when we alight... =.= was wet when we reach the shelter to wait for the rain to stop... and ian and yeeteng was already there... lol... so we slack there awhile... then jiajun, qinghui, ernest, marcus came.. and then serene and wenny... then when the rain stop me, maria, gantang, luqman and ernest went to start the fire.. lol... i hope i didnt miss out anyone... had to clear the water on the pit first then start the fire... the water was so dirty... lol... when the fire started its time to cook and eat... haha... was dam thirsty and luckily sheena pour green tea for me... haha... the best thing bout standing at the bbq pit and doing the cooking is that i can just eat as the food is cook.. dunnid to wait... lol... and thats wat i did... haha... but mostly is eat the crabstick and hotdogs... lol... the rest of the food i ate only a bit only and the only chicken wing i ate i nearly choked on it... cos gantang had to poke me when i was just about to sallow it... lol... so i put ice into his shirt... haha... and as we were bz disturbin each other i hit on jiajun camera.. i feel so bad sia... i'm so so sry.. haiz.. oh well so here are the pics......

the rain... lol...

this is wat we did as we wait for the rain to stop... lol...

wenny serene and me takin photo... lol... (look at how wet serene is... poor thing...)

finally the rain stop... this looks nice... rite?... haha...

and so time to start the fire... haha.. me, gantang(luke) and maria(yeeteng)...

i cant rmb wat r we doin... lol...

tryin to fan the fire up... (this is wat happens when the paper plate are too soft... lol...)

ahhh... i think gantang wanted to hit me with that thing... lol...

still trying...

finally... nice flames... haha...

my turn to fan... it was fun... lol...

finally... time to make the food..

yum... lol...

gantang(luke), me and iron(ian)...

ernest bd cake... =)

family pic 1...

family pic 2...

maria(yeeteng), me and mother(sheena)... haha

group pic 1...

group pic 2 with a marshmallow... lol...

group pic 3...

qinghui, me and larissa... lol...

sheena and me... hmm... shes sleepy?... lol...

serene and me...

group pic 4...

mother and me again... haha...
and i left at bout 9+... took a cab hm and larissa paid for it... feel quite bad... lol.. and i guess thats all the pic i'll upload... haha... wanna see more look for it in my friendster... that is if u have friendster too and have added me as a fren... lol... oh well... time for bed... its dam late now... 2.29am... lol...

haiz

2008-08-21T00:05:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat wrong with me... other then i feel like sum ppl is irritating me... i seem to feel like i'm getting irritating too... hmm... i hate myself... alot alot... i dunno y... haiz...

lalala

2008-08-19T13:13:00.000+08:00

EXAMZ ARE OVER... yeah~~~~~ i can slack now... lol... not that i study alot but no i can slack more... lol... at least i wun have to look at the textbks and notes for quite sum time... which is actually enough for me to forget them all b4 sch reopens... lol... today after exam wen to town to eat with my classmate and then after that jiu wen home liao... haha... have been usin the phone for the whole day today... lol... finish this call already then call another peson and talk again... i very long nv do this le... and i'm planning to talk on the phone summore later... haha.. well guess thats all for now... even though i'm not tht happy today but i feel ok now so i guess i wun blog bout it... haha...

lol

2008-08-18T00:37:00.001+08:00

sumtimes i read other ppl's blog and feel that they r super sad... and sumhow sumtimes feel sad for them... sumtimes when it is bout happy stuff i feel happy for them... when its bout family stuff i feel happy for them and sumtimes feel sad for myself... cos i dun hav wat sum others have... a happy family... so if i see ppl complaining bout their family... i feel like scoldin them... cos must appreciate wat u have.. i didnt even have a chance to appreciate and my parents are divorced alreay... and until now... haiz...
but oh well but i dun have to feel sad... cos i have found other ways to make myself happy... haha... just that sumtimes when i cannot take it i'll tend to breakdown... cos i have other problems also... but oh well its ok la... ppl do have to de stress... so dun have to freak out when u see me cry just lend me a shoulder if u can... haha... sumtimes i just wan to talk to sumone... lol... but then i dunno how... haha... so u must be sumone who noe me dam well so sumthings i dun hav to say out and u will noe already...
and the way to be happy i guess is just to be happy over the simple things... well i think thats the easiest way to be happy haha... cos i'll smile over the simplest thing that happen which are good... it feels great to be happy... expect a little and give alot... life will definitely be better... haha... cos sumtimes thinking too much doesnt really help... cos u'll just keep thinking and thinkin of all the complicated stuff and overlook the simple ones...
i dunno y am i typin all this also... lol... just feel like bloggin so just anyhow... haha...

haiz

2008-08-12T13:22:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to get nervous bout my exams.... finally.. it took o dam long for this mood to come... so when this mood comes its time for me to study study study... cos its also sumhow equal to me gettin into stud mode le... lol... but his time it kind of came to late... -.- its like less than a wk to exam then it comes... wan to kill me sia... if i fail i sure kana scold until jia lak jia lak... haiz... tmr dunno wan to go study mah also but then i decide just go ba... at most i can just go library and study alone lor... better than staying at hm cos i noe i surly wun study if i stay at hm... i'm dead for this exam... i hope i can pass sia... arrggghhh...

haiz... i dam siao nowadays... get angry easily... must be sumthing wrong with me..

haiz... i seriously dun feel like seeing u... u seriously getting on my nerves liao... i'm afraid i'll just blow at u one day... then it'll be dam bad cos my temper is terrible when it blows and i get pretty heartless when i'm angry... so wat i'll say usually will be dam not nice to hear...

was feeling very very bad just now... but maria(yeeteng) made me smile... =) tks...

=)

2008-08-08T14:56:00.000+08:00

AUG 7 2008 is a dam happy day for me... cos its my bd... =) and my classmates celebrated it for me... they bought a cake for me... i didnt even noe it until they bought the cake up...
this is how the day went...

went to sch early today and got my first present from ernest haha... then went to ourspace to study and got my second present from sheena... she refuse to let me open it... -.- so i didnt really open it until in the nite... her present is so dam nice!!! i really really love it.. lol... then at 1 went for compro test... erm... hope i pass... cos i dun really noe if wat i did is rite a not... but some how the program works.. lol... then after that went to ourspace to study... and i realise that sheena and ernest were missing... actually there were more than that 2 person missing.. but i only notice the both of them cos we spend more time in sch tgt... lol... so i crap with yi hui there and then went with her to buy things.. then just as we were walking back i saw sheena holding a cake and walking in with soon heng, wenny, ian, ernest... (if i didnt rmb wrongly... lol...) they were walking towards the table we were sitting at so i guess they didnt realise i was behind so i ask yi hui to stop there... lol... then soon heng saw me... lol... and ask me y i walk off... so i walk towards them and they sang a bd song for me... haha... was dam happy and touched... i nearly cried... cos nv celebrate my bd in such a way b4... i'm so so so so dam happy... except for sum other things which haiz... nvm... not impt... i must stay happy on this day... =) then i took pics with everyone in my class... except for a few who either left early or refuse to take a picture with me(these r the ppl who spoil my day)... lol... then after that continue to study and then left sch at 9... and here are the pics... =)

my birthday cake =)

yummy... my fav CHOCOLATE... =)

lol... guess where the cream went?... i love this pic... haha...

me cutting the cake... =)

i think this is not my hand... lol... should be my son(soonheng) one... haha...

me cutting the cake... yummy...

now pics of me and my classmates!... i love them.. haha... they made my bd special =)

my son(soonheng), me and my daughter(wenny)... lol... =)

jia jun, me and mummy(sheena) =) ... mummy is a dam nice person... haha

serene and me... shes a dam sweet person... haha... =)

jia jun, me and hannah... haha... =)

maria(yeeteng), me, hannah and larissa... =)

fiona and me... =)

lynette, me and limin... =)

luqman and me... =)

my daughter and me again... haha... =)

this is wat wenny took to make me laugh... haha... well, since tis gantang(luke) refuse to take a photo with me i'll just put this pic here... haha...

this is wat sheena gave me... its dam nice... i love it... haha...

and this if from ernest... haha... cute rite... lol...

if i'm not wrong there's still another 2 more pics at ian there... lol... i'll post it up when i have it... haha.. =)

luqman show me this from youtube... =)

haiz

2008-08-06T14:45:00.000+08:00

erm... i'm getting more and more easily emo these few days... maybe cos i'm sad? but i'm not really sad lei.. i dunno y... maybe its cos of that... and the each time i see more of it... the sader i get... so wat to do.. let it be lor... haiz... i'm kind of heartless when i get angry but still... dun say i heartless that person also dun really like spare a tot for other ppl feelings... haiz... i'm startin to thing if i get angry then i'll be like that person?... NOOOOOO!!!! i dun wan that... but then i cant control my temper lei... and i'm starting to lose patience...
went to study today with soonheng, wenny, maria and ian... maria came for a while only... lol... actually i wasn't really studying also... lol... haha...
exams coming le... again ZERO % of confidence to pass... i think i'm gonna fail!!!... haiz... i'm way way way too lost now... and i'm many chpts away from the end of the bks... haiz...

haiz

2008-08-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

somehow i feel angry... somehow i'm sad... somehow its all very weird and crazy nowadays... i feel like i'm gonna lose my temper soon... i seriously hope not... cos if i lose my temper might be equal to lose my frens... the next step to take seems so difficult to decide.. when i'm fine u make me angry... for wat sia... -.-''' i seriously have a very bad temper... so pls dun agitated me... unless u wan to see how much i use to emo last time in my sec sch... which i dun really encourage... i really dunno wat to do sia... T_T help pls... should i really do that????

super sad

2008-07-31T14:40:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling down... i feel like i got lot of things to say but i cant say them... i dun have a person to tell them to... i dun noe who i should trust and who i shouldn't i dunno if i'll make the wrong decision mah and regret later... i dunno if i'll regret wat i'm doing now mah... i dunno if wat i'm doing is rite or wrong.. i dunno if i'm a good fren mah... i dun noe if my frens like me mah... i dunno if they hate me mah... haiz... i dun noe y i'm crying... i dunno y no one understands me... i dunno y no one is here to lend me a shoulder when i nid one... i dunno y no one can answer my qns... i dunno how much more i can take... T_T T_T

hmmm

2008-07-26T13:33:00.000+08:00

there's sumthing in my mind now... am i being too much of a busybody? i dun noe y i just keep thinking bout this... i'm trying to change sumthings but it doesn't seem to be working... i see no positive of it but just keep think bout wat negative things might happen if i continue to try to change it... am i doing the rite thing? i really dun noe... i nid help also... haiz... maybe its my fault... maybe its not... but if not then wat is it????? haiz... i'm afraid of wats going to happen next liao... its like going back to the past sumhow.... but will anyone understand if sumthing happens??? like last time where there will be at least 1 person who will understand, lend me a shoulder when i nid one... listen to me when i wan to nag... =( haiz...

oh well... lets talk bout other things ba... today woke up kind of late but 5 mins only... lol... i reach sch early also... reach at bout 8.45am... slack at the seats at the pond there till 9 and decided to not go class on time and wait for luke cos he woke up late... lol... me, serene and ernest sat there chit chat and sing song until bout 9. 40?... lol... i can't rmb the time then jj, qinghui, larissa, hannah, lynette, sheena and soonheng came... then at bout nine forty sumthing then luke reach sch... funny sia... lol... see his expression... then everyone stood there thinking want to go for eltech tutorial mah... and in the end me, lynette, ernest, sheena and luke went for the tutorial only... the rest wen out of school... lol... while we were about to walk up... sheena say luke look like the dustbin... lol... funny sia... haha... his shirt colour look the same as the dustbin... haha... then went for tutorial and dunno do wat also... cos left such a short time also... then after that me, yeeteng, sheena, ernest, eric and luke decided not to go for EG1 so was thinking whether wan to go look for the rest who were not in sch mah... tuo tuo la la for bout half an hr then we decide to go to KFC and not look for them cos scare no time... lol... yee teng was quite angry... haha... sry... =) we to eat a family meal? lol... i can't rmb wats the name liao... haha... but we just bout sumthing and share among 5 ppl... cos eric didnt wan to eat... lol... then when we finish eating just nice the EG2 ppl came so we let them eat and left the place to go walk walk in the NTUC as we wait for them to come... lol... waste time thinging wat to buy for bout half an hr... -.- then when the EG2 pp finish eating we walk back to sch and went for compro lesson... haiz... watever la... then after compro is EG1 tutorial.. test! sure fail one lor... i dunno wat is it talking about also... and nv really bother to try also... sheena just listen to teacher teach 1 qns only and she can pass liao... she is seriously smart one lor... she can study andcatch things very fast... dun waste ur talent lei... lol... but as for ppl like me... i think i should die or sumthing... dun see any talent in me also... no motivation to study... i totally is like waiting to fail... actually i noe that i'm starting to feel scare liao... if not i wun go try to read the maths notes one... haiz... but cannot understand lei...

and my guardian seriously not very understanding one... even after getting a maid she still keep giving me stress... cant they give me more freedom... i really nid it... i rather stay in sch and study then cum home early lor... if i in sch at least when i dun noe can ask classmate... but if i at hm ask who sia... haiz... =(

more pics taken during MDA...

ernest, lynette, me and wenny... =) this is one of the nicest pic... haha...

back: ernest(san di), wenny(my daughter), luke(da ge) front: yeeteng(maria), me... lol... oh ya if u're wondering who is dustbin man... its luke... -.- haha...

lol...

haha... jailed for that moment... lol...

to outer space from class... haha

and we took a roller-coaster in class... lol... who would sleep while talking a roller-coaster sia... -.- other than that i love this pic...

oh ya and on wed i stayed back in sch till 9 with yee teng, lynette, soon heng and lynette... haha... i enjoy that day alot sia... haha... and when i realise all of us were wearing slippers and just nice got 5 ppl... i ask them take photo to make a star... lol...

oh well i guess thats all for now... maybe things will get better... haha... just nid to take sumtime i believe it will be fine... =)

=)

2008-07-23T13:00:00.000+08:00

20/7
today is my cousin 1 yr old birthday... she's so so so cute... haha... her parents organize a party for her... and it lasted for the whole day... which i was quite sian... cos i dun really noe the ppl also... so i slack in the rm for quite sumtime and chit chat on the laptop... then after the party end... clean up abit and play computer... lol... then found out that ernest their compro project cannot pass up... lol... but in the end also got pass up...

21/7
today no practical lesson in the morning but i went to sch early anyway to do my mol in ourspace with the help of ernest... lol... and i only did 2 qns... haha... better than nothing la... lol... then after that is eltech lesson... was watching narnia thruout the lesson... lol... then break and then MDA... which was photo taking lesson for us... cos within bout an hour i took bout 100+ photos... haha... and here are sum of them... i'll just put a few first... the others another time ba... cos really alot... lol...

this is one of the first few pics which marks the beginning of the photo taking session... lol...

this is taken with the MDA teacher... lol...

random 1...

random 2...

twist...

this is with dustbin man... lol...

and this is one of the pics i like... haha...

i'll just put this few first... the others i put another time... cos i got alot that i wan to put up... haha... then after sch go to chinatown to take sumthing... i feel down in the bus... -.- pain...

22/7
today went to sch early to play badminton... i miss playing badminton sia... esp with them... haha... play from 9 to 10 with ernest and luke then went to slack in the library... then at 12 went back to play again this time with more ppl... got ian, yee teng, ian and sum others i cant rmb liao... lol... ps my memory not that good... then is cats lesson... lol... me nd yee teng freak out sia... cos she left the videocam at badminton court so she ran back to look for it while i made a few calls to ask if anyone see it... lol... lucky its still there... haha.. then durin cat we were suppose to give a 1 min presentation on a topic given... there were 5 topics and i pick the one on an unforgettable experience... and talk about music-in-motion... lol... then sw lesson... my leg pain sia... so nv really play... haha... then next wk is last tennis lesson le... haha... may or may not miss the lesson... haha... i dun noe yet.. see how ba...

lala

2008-07-20T16:17:00.000+08:00

just feel like blogging for no reason at 1 am in the nite... lol... dun noe y... dun even noe wat to blog about... haha...

hmm.. lets see... well sch has started for like a few months already... and must say i'm enjoying myself in school... haha... can't believe how nervous i was b4 sch started... i dun even noe y... haha... i actually didnt wan to go to sch or to the EE FOC... haha... luckily i wen for the camp and cos i made nice frens there... which sumhow gave me the courage to go to sch... lol... funny me... was actually afraid of going to a whole new class where i wun noe anyone... dun noe y...

maybe its cos of the bad memories in sec sch... but of cos there were good ones too... just sumhow tot more of the negative part at that time... i miss my sec sch life sumhow... miss my frens... miss sum classes also... esp dnt lessons... lol... dun noe y... haha... maybe its the most slacking lesson ba... haha... funny rite... i use to complain so much bout going to classes in BPS and now i actually miss them... lol... how good it would be if we could go back for 1 day to experience those times again... and this time i would make sure i make the extra effort to rmb every detail that happen in class... haha... oh well its always like this shi qu le cai xue hui zhen xi... haha... i miss choir practice too... i miss them alot alot alot... haha... i use to skip the practices last time and now i'm saying this... lol... well, its the one of the best thing that has happen to me... i miss performing... haha... cant believe how much i actually like to perform in the choir until i join the sch choir and went for performance... they r great memories....

but as usual i'm still dun like to study and when i try to do it i will get sleepy very fast... lol... and until now i still have no study mood... haha.... even though exams r cumin soon.. lol... must quickly look for that mood liao... if not will b like last time... study a few hrs b4 exam and freak out after that... lol... haha...

haiz

2008-07-17T13:52:00.000+08:00

15/7
today reach sch early... lol... haha... then went to meet sum of my classmates in blk 56... then waited for yeeteng to cum to sch then walk to the class with her... nothing much during CATS lesson... just continue doing the powerpoint lor.... lol... then after CATS is SW lesson... i irratate yihui by shouting her name very loud at th overhead bridge... lol... sry ar... i bored mah... haha... then during lesson it rain and stop, rain and stop... sian... haha... then after that went back to sch with yeeteng and hannah to meet sheena, ian... then we walk out to head home...
took the bus with sheena and ian... sheena had a 'gear' in her bag made from her badminton racket... she hit my face 2 time sia... first time is when she wan to sit down she just throw her bag on me.. and the racket hit my face... and second time is when she is searching her bag... keep on pushing her racket to the side and it hit my face again... -.- she laugh until so happy sia... then dunno y the person in front like so pek cek like that keep on looking at the both of us with that very annoyed look... we didnt do anything to her lor... nv even hit her chair or wat... can't understand wat is wrong with us laughin... lol.. sheena summore went to make it worst by saying ur fren ar... lol... her face become more black sia... lol... then when there was a place in the front the woman quickly get up and go to the front... funny sia she... public place mah... y like this... nothing wrong with laughin mah... nan dao yao face black black like her meh... lol...
then after that reach the interchange le.. we alight and sheena told me bout the time when she took a bus with her sister and the bus uncle ask her sis to throw the food wrapper away before going up to the bus... lol... she ans the uncle back in a very funny way sia... she say ur bus only say cannot bring food up mah... also nv say cannot bring food wrapper... maybe people want to bring the wrapper home and use it again lei... lol... she funny sia... haha... but in a way it sounds logical to me... haha... and again with her racket she hit sumone else... lol... she summore keep saying is the person who hit her racket prone to accident not her fault... -.- say me prone to accident... lol...

16/7
i'm kind of down today... but i maintain my smile all the way until sch end b4 my tears came out... today first lesson is EG1... sian... can't understand anything also... lol... so was chatting all the way and towards the ending i watch a video which sheena is watching... omg is so er xin lor... watch le make me wan to vomit only... the show is bout suicide... dun wan to think of it le... really super er xin...then after that is break... eat at canteen 2... then msg for ernest there cos he say he luo zhen... lol... and when i laugh he tell me say the way i laugh is funny... lol... he always laugh when he hear me laugh... lol... good lor at least i bring laughter to my frens... haha... then after that i engmec while walking to the engmec class.. we met a few people who say wan to take our photo to dunno do wat... lol... i forget le... haha... then take liao go for engmec lesson... was playing wahjong thruout the lesson sia... dun noe wat the teacher was saying also... she teach until dunno where liao but i still in front... actually for almost all my modules i also like this... lol... then lesson end... left the class and stand downstairs for a while becos sum of my classmates couldn't decide where they wan to go... then when they finally decide, we walk out to near the atrium there and they wen to co op while i walk to the bus stop... just as i turn and walk out with my back facing them... my tears came out... i guess it was my limit le... all i was waiting for the time when i'm alone and my tears will flow out liao... so the only way to not cry is to spend alot of time with my frens which is impossible... funny there's always no one there when i wan to cry... all those who say that they would be there when i nid to cry... nv really appear also... and no one really notice that i'm down also... and i agree with sheena its really painful to smile when u actually dun wan to... but... haiz... waited for very long for a bus 74 that has aircon... cos i didnt board 2 bus 74 becos got no air con.. weather was so hot so i rather wait for one that has air con... lol... today didnt alight at amk to change to 86... cos was sleepy so i decided to sleep all the way to hougang then change bus from there...

lol

2008-07-15T13:22:00.000+08:00

today is a normal day?... lol... wat the crap la... i didn't take my practical test today cos was half an hr late... when i woke up today i was super blur... i woke up at 8.30 and tot that its 7.30... crap sia... i took my own sweet time to do sum things then realise that i'm wrong... i seriously have to suggest to my family members to change the room clock to digital one liao... -.- cos this is not the irst time i read the clock wrongly.... then faster rush down... could have reached sch on time one but the stupid bus jam for half an hour make me late... and sheena didn't take the test even though she could have... cos she say she no mood... -.- so i went to sch and slack till the second lesson which is theory for eltech... wat the crap... i dun understand a single thing at all lor... but nvm... not the first time... i like this almost every lesson... lol... was playing wahjong thruout the lesson with ernest and doing sum lame things... lol... then break and then mda lesson... boring lesson... haha... and tks to yee teng i pass my mda quiz today with flying colours... haha... then after the quiz was walking here and there to see wat the others are doing.. then bo liao go massage for sum of my classmates... haha... then watch 1 litre of tears... lol... i cry sia... haha... after that lesson is time to go hm... haha... when reach hm, went to mop floor then bath, eat, fold clothes, iron sum clothes then bring the rubbish out... and now, i'm bored and so i went to this site to do this... lol....

kind of crappy thou.... cos i dun even noe sum of the celebrities there... haha... oh well guess thats all...

2008-07-13T13:43:00.000+08:00

9/7
this morning when i wake up was super moody sia... and the stupid bus drove so slow... wat the crap... i was half an hour late even though i went out early... went to sch in a super not good mood... and when i reach the class it got worst... so i msg serene and tell her i wanted to cry... then she went to the toilet with me... and stand beside me as i cry... then sheena came out also cos she noe i was sad... haha... then they pei me there unil i tell them to go back to class... we went back to class but i still haven stop.. it just came on and off few times... then serene msg me and ask me to go out of the class with her cos she was cold... but i think it was becoz she wanted to cheer me up... so we went one level down... and she told me sum jokes there and after a while sheena came out also... and they both cheer me up... haha Tks alot to the both of them i was super high after that... i think this is the 2nd time serene see me cry but 1st time for sheena... lol... but i nv tell them y i cried... but they stll accompany me till i stopped... i'm really appreciate wat they have done... tks... but i did told sumone y i cry.. lol.. just hope i dun trust the wrong person this time... lol..l then it was break... and during that period of time my slipper spoil... wat the crap... went to buy a new slipper and serene pay for me first cos i didnt bring enough money... lol... then after that is engmec lesson... boring lesson... but was quite high.. lol...

10/7
late for class again... lol... and so was sheena... lol... and we say that the next time we late we call each other... haha... was super blur during the first lesson that i nearly sign on the wrong name in the attendace book... lol...

11/7
today also late for lesson... so i call sheena... lol... and we decided to go to class tgt... so who reach first will call the other person... i reached first... lol... then saw soon heng... but he went to class first... then say qing hui while waiting for sheena at the bus stop... lol... finally sheena came and we stroll to class... lol... then during lesson i did my web tutorial in like 5 mins and got 100 lol... tks to yihui... haha... then after that is maths... then break... didn't get to eat at all sia... was going from one side of the sch to the other to take the bottles for filming and i decided to bring it home cos since my group will be coming to my hse to do it... after taking the bottles, went to another blk cos actually wanted to borrow the videocam... but the teacher was not here... so we tot of talking it after sch... so went back to the canteen... left bout half an hr only... and after that was compro lesson... do i program then ask ernest to teach me maths cos later maths test... but my brain simply didnt wan to absorb... -.- sian... after that is maths... die lor... the test was crap for me... i anyhow write all the way... and pass up with i think more than half of it blank... dun care la... i dun understand wats happenin from that chpt onwards so i expected my test on the rest of the chpt to be crap liao.. lol... became emo during the lesson... dunno y.. then after lesson went to eat and then went for compro test... -.- i think i only know how to do the first qns... the rest i just crap... i dun noe y also... just hope that half of it will be correct... lol... the test room was super cold sia... i wear long seleve also bth... lol... after test went out and saw that those who left early outside taking pictures... haha... then i see the sky is like almost dark le but got sum light and i say is nice ask yihui to take for me but she say ask ian cos got cam and he show me the pics that he took earlier and he and lynette kept sayin that that is nicer... but i still think the darker one also nice lei... and ask him to take... he take le tell me that like got dust there like that... lol... then lynette so funny... ask me y the thig i like diff one.. ask me dun emo... haha... ya quite true la... lol.. i'm kind of emo... haha... then after that went hm... and when i reach hm my hands and shoulder ache alot... lol... hands is becos of the 4 bottles and shoulder is becos of my bag... heavy...

12/7
today woke up at 11+... then play with my 11 month old cousin... haha... she's so so cute... lol... then the day pass like normal lor... then just now go read sheena blog... shot me sia... and she summore tell me she enjoy it... lol... tks sia... say i psycho... -.- she also ban jing pa liang... wu shi pu siao bai bu... lol... ;)

2 days update

2008-07-06T14:07:00.000+08:00

4/7

today is a long and tired day... woke up late again... but decided not to rush and so i took my own sweet time to go to sch... and so only reach sch half an hour after lesson started... luckily i pack my bag last nite if not might be even later... today i only bring my EG1 bk, compro bk and my EG1 tutorials so that my bag will be lighter cos i dun wan to carry a heavy bag to S.C.H. to watch musical nite... first lesson was eltech tutorial... i did nothing there was laugh and talk... lol... after that was EG1... i dun noe wat was going on in class at all today... totally in my own world... lol... after that we took a few photos... lol... and here r the pics.. lol...

after maths... break... went to the student office during the break... haiz... after that is compro lesson... nv use laptop at all... for the whole lesson... first time sia... i mean the teacher nv use la... i sure will use one... lol... after that is maths tutorial... sian... cos i haven finsh copying wat i have to pass up... lol... and luke is so blur to actually believe that i nv talk his tutorial to copy... lol... lucky sheena 'pei he' me... haha... when reach there liao ask teacher y my scientific notebk cannot open at hm to do my mol... try a few times also cannot... in the end teacher ask me to go helpdesk... was like wth lor... compro lesson was at that blk... and maths is in blk 18... and now i hav to walk back to that blk.. sian... so i went lor... rather walk than do maths... lol.. just as i was walking down i saw wenny so ask her to accompany me there... when we reach there the person dun noe do wat then tell me to go hm try again... wah... this means that there is a possibility that it wun work??... sian... ok lor... so went back to class and continue copying the tutorial... lol... then finally lesson end... walk back to the helpdesk again to return luke his tutorial cos he stayed at that place for almost the whole of the tutorial lesson... lol... then walk out and went to the opposite to take bus with yihui to clementi mrt station to meet wei sinn... wth... i tot i will late.. in the end i was the one waiting there... -.- then we took mrt to tanjong pagar mrt station to meet paul and christopher... but we were early so we sat at the chair and he transfer the music-in-motion video to me... lol... then finally paul reach le... so we went out of the station to meet him then we waited for christopher... in the end he told us he reach the place le... say he went there first cos nv see us... -.- wt... so we walk to S.C.H. and i saw ms mak at the enterence... haha... then went in to seat and wait for the concert to start... choir's performance was great... its better than last time??? haha... i dun noe... but it was wonderful and awesome... haha... i like it alot... they sang 2 songs which i learn b4 last time which is keindahan taaman and when u believe brings back alot of memories... i miss going to choir ALOT... haha... during the intermission went to talk to sum of the teachers who taught me b4 and mr goh the choir instructor... so happy to see them again... haha... then went back cos intermission end liao... concert went on and ended at only 9+... then we went out of the concert hall to decide where we wan to go next... talk to sum of the juniors... =D then we say ms chew and we talk to her for a while... b4 we finally saw my goh cum out... wanted to take photo with him... but he was in a hurry so nv take... oh well there's always next time... haha... then i took 2 picture... then we went out... at first they say wan to go lao pa sar eat but i wanted to go hm... in the end we took the bus which took us back to our sec sch.. on the bus we sang quite a few songs... lol... we sang when u believe, i believe, siyahamba, colours of the wind, one voice, i write the songs, stand by me, a whole new world, you rise me up and maybe a few more which i cant rmb... haha... that feeling was totally wonderful... i enjoyed it alot... haha.. i miss singing like this... wonder if i'll regret not joinin np choir mah... haha... ms chew even took a video of sum of the songs we sang cos she say wan to show mr goh.. haha... then we took 162 to amk where i took 86 hm and the rest of them went to to eat... reach hm at 12 +... after doing everything and eating my dinner its about 1 le... went online for less than 30 mins and went to sleep... and here r the pic i took... first one is with my juniors and the second one is with the ppl who went there with me and ms chew... lol...

5/7

sian day... woke up at bout 1 today... do sum hsewk and wen thru a torturing scolding session... haiz... then went out to toa payoh to buy sumthing... todays dinner eat stingray... i like... haha... reach hm at 9+... bath and then use com to watch the mucis in motion video and try to open the mol thingy... wth... cannot open... this time worst... i nid to go back to helpdesk again liao... and this time i dun even noe how to explain wat has happen... cos even i myself also not sure... oh well i guess thats all for now...

lol

2008-07-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

slept at 2+am last nite and woke up at 6+am in the morning... super sian in the morning.... very sleepy during maths class... cant understand anything at all... aiya... wat the crap la... i haven been able to understand since the day the teacher started after the holidays... the maths notes are now like ailen lang to me... cant understand at all... going to die liao... then after maths is break... follow ernest to the helpdesk to ask them to install windows but... they say he has to buy it himself... wat the crap is that sia... lol... then i ask bout the mol thingy... in the end ask also like=to nv ask... sian... then ask bout yee teng laptop touchpad and the person say can ask her to bring laptop there... so after that went back to the canteen and tell yee teng that... then we sat down and chat with yi hui and li min... ernest funny lei... he told us bout the time he iron a $10 plastic note and it shrink... lol... me and yihui laugh until bth... then went to the helpdesk again with yee teng and sheena... the person say she must call the supura... again go there=to like nv go also... lol... then is engmec lesson... sian... dun noe wat was happenin also... today had to attend a dun noe wat talk... the talk starts at 5 and my lesson end at 2.. sian... so after engmec lesson went to canteen 1 to eat with yihui and luke cos the rest say they wan to go to the market to eat... after eating went to our space to study... dun stunned to see me say i study lei... lol... i got do 1 qns from tutorial 5 lei... so consider got 'study' also ba... lol... then after a while wanted to sleep... wth.. sleep until so nice... luke walk back from buying tibits the time... hand itchy must go hit my chair so hard... i cua tio lor... crap la u... spoil my sleeping mood sia... if not the time there will be spend better lor... summore laugh until so happy... -.- this person summore say want to lend me copy his tutorial 3, 4, 5... in the end nv even finish tutorial 2 jiu say dun wan do liao... -.- then after that play viwawa a while.. while yi hui watch show then go to listen to the talk... boring talk... it ended at bout 5 +... since i told my guardian i'll end at 7... decided to go to our space and slack again... this time with jia jun, serene, yee teng, luqman, lynette, yihui, ernest and ian... wen to the game rm to play Taboo... funny sia... we split into 2 groups... ppl wearing black shirt in one group and other colours in another... ppl wearing black shirt were yee teng, ian, serene, yi hui and luqman... and so the rest in another group (which is me, lynette, jia jun and ernest)... it was funny playing that game... the last card that we had to guess was the most funny ernest pick a card and had to describe the word for us to guess... ernest said:stay very far one, long time no see... then jia jun say:i tot u ma di already.. lol... all of us laugh... but cant rmb wats the ans liao... haha... that was the last one round for me liao... then me and yihui went home... then as we were walking out... i saw the sky the colour nice so i ask yihui to lend me her hp camera to take... cos mine is super bad... the 2 pics i took are the ones below... lol... i dun noe y i think its nice also... i just happen to like it... haha...

haiz

2008-07-02T14:55:00.000+08:00

i dun noe y i feel sad suddenly... its just this sudden emotion that come out of a sudden... maybe cos of wat happen ba... i feel that things r changing... is it me? or is it that i'm really rite... wat if i'm rite... i'm afraid... i dun wan it to be true... i dun wan to be hurt by all this anymore... its cary and painful to go thru it again... =(

lol

2008-07-01T14:46:00.000+08:00

today woke up early... tks to serene and ernest for their morning call... haha... tks... was thinkin of whether to go to sch by taking 86 or shuttle bus... in the end decided to take shuttle bus instead... took the 7.40 bus and reach sch at bout 8.30... meet ernest first then luqman and yee teng... first lesson was practical for eltech... sian... didnt really understand also... dun noe y the thing just wun give me the answer like wat the others get... lol... but was funy cos yee teng kept making me laugh... lol... and 2 wks later will be practical test for this... there was this sample paper for us to try... was lazy and didnt wan to... but in the end also did cos i see everyone doing it... lol.. then eltech lesson theroy... i didnt really listen also... was watching show and listening to songs with ernest... lol... then after that is break... went to canteen 3 to eat today... and was laughing thruout tks to ernest joke... cos he say he's soup got skeleton inside when its just sliced fish soup... lol... me, sheena, ernest laugh until like siao... and luke only abit ba... laugh until tears also cum out becos of one word... lol... it was so hard to eat at that table... keep on making me laugh cannot sallow my food also... lol... but in the end got finish the food... haha... thats good... should not waste food... lol... then next mda class... we go to class and stand in the middle of the class cos dunno where to sit... inally decide liao... i sat at the back with ernest... as usual lam-ing there... but not as much as last time liao... maybe cos too sian from all the laughing in the canteen ba... was at lesson 13 page 1 for the whole hour or maybe more... lol... then at bout 4+ the laughing started again... lame lame lame... me and ernest... and luke was there to just cui us to faster pack to go back... ask him can go so fast meh... he say do the p2p then can go liao... so i login and just keep talking to ernest... he got pek cek and do it for us... lol... and even do it for sheena also... then when he usin the laptop i move move move my mouse to disturb him... so when i use he do the same thing also.. wth... then the mouse cannot work... -.- nvm maybe it just nid rest... tmr should work... lol... then jiu funny liao... i pretend to wan to beat him... his reaction so big, fall towards the wall... me and sheena laugh until bth lor... xue yao like this mah... then after that i ask him y... he say he trip on the chair... lol... then after that jiu go student office pass up sum form and then head hm...

sian...

2008-06-30T10:56:00.000+08:00

i woke up late 2 times last week... i guess my bad habit is getting back... alarm ring get up off it and lie down again... jia lak liao... i nid ppl to give me moning call liao... if not die... last friday was the worst... woke up 1 hr later then the time i'm suppose to wake up at... was super freak out... lucky was only late for bout 10 mins... i could have be so much later... lucky my phone rang and i wake up... but on the bright side, i found a faster way to go to sch.. lol... got back my results for my 3 papers... sian... not really good... but watever la... i'm lucky that i pass liao... cos i couldnt understand anything until a few hrs b4 the exam... aiya... wat the crap la... i dun even noe if i can survive thru this course mah... haiz...

siao...

2008-06-26T14:46:00.000+08:00

last nite i slept for only 3 hrs... slept at 3+ and woke up at 6.42am instead of 6.30am... was shock cos haven pack bag and everything... luckily could do everything in bout 15 mins.. thats a new record... then during first lesson was super stone... couldnt concerntrate at all... ended up surfing the net to listen to a few songs... lol... then finally break... thats the time i start to go crazy... sing sing sing until like siao... omg... how could i do that... so throw face!!!... how can i sing out loud with such a not nice voice... i cant believe i did that... i have nv done such a thing b4... i must have lost my mind... arrrrr!!!! was singing thruout the break... must have been crazy... maybe its the coffee... lol... (sheena even say wat wan to go sing at getai -.- ... i will nv do that ba... but if sheena u wan to, i will definitely support u... haha.... oh ya sheena has a nice voice... better than me... oh well i think everyone who sang today have a better voice than me... oh well my voice is just not nice...) go to class liao still continue until lesson start then stop singing and listen to songs and surf the net... didnt understand or should say listen to wat the teacher was saying also... but even if i listen i dun think i will understand so wats the diff... lol... after lesson start again... siao liao la... dun noe wats wrong with me... maybe cos i miss going to choir ba... must really find time to go back one day liao... haha... but for now... must try to shut liao... cannot keep on throwing my own face... haiz... but how???...

well

2008-06-19T09:47:00.000+08:00

more pics of me when i was working...

day 2 of work...

i was trying to enjoy myself well working... lol...

day 3 of work...

this 2 were super cute... haha...

well i guess thats all for now...

lol

2008-06-15T14:02:00.000+08:00

today is y 2nd day of work... well working is fun with liling there to entertain me... haha.. but tmr she not going... so no one to entertain me...the booth i'm working for is in front of the B-Boy competition stage... so this 2 days i got to see alot of b-boys dancing and sum beat boxing... ytd there was a workshop for locking and today is popping... cool... lol... i didn't knew i'll enjoy watching this... well tmr will be the finals and will be the last day of my work... 3 days only and i'll be jobless again... erm... the 1st day of work was ok la... but i lost my way trying to walking here and there to look for my working place.. lol...

well, since tmr liling will not be coming... we took a few photos today...

this was taken with my handphone in our uniform... i like the uniform... haha..

and this was taken with liling handphone...

i'll just put this 2 picture... cos the rest we took with our handphone like not very nice... tis 2 pic were edited once by liling but all she did was change the colours cos she say the colours not nice... lol... got others also but must wait for my fren to send me first then i load cos we took the pics with her camera...

=)

2008-06-05T14:17:00.000+08:00

finally, common test is OVER... yeah!!! i dun have to wake up early to go to sch and study liao... oh well but then i'll be super bored at home... cos i got like almost nothing to do and my freedom is like super little... lol...
monday: eltech paper... reach sch at 9.30 to study with yee teng, luqman, ian, ernest, soonheng, wenny and erm i guess maybe one or 2 more person... ps i cant really rmb liao... (coz 2 days ago=long time for me.. haha) luqman, yee teng and ernest tried to teach me chpt 2... but well i think i only absorb half of wat they say... then that nite i was like super bored and siao... so i tried to chat with almost everyone from my class who came online... and before it was time for bed i think i chat with 17 ppl in my class... lol...
tuesday: eg1... again reach sch st 9.30 to study and with a bigger gp today... got yee teng, ian, ernest, jia jun, sheena, serene and erm i also can really rmb still got who but the gp was definitly bigger... lol... and more entertaining than the day b4... haha... well, serene was the one teaching me eg1 today... and as usual i'm not a gd student... cos i'm too easily distracted... haha... sry ar... with her help i manage to do most of the qns during the test ba... haha... but i'm not sure i did them correctly mah... lol... after test jiu went hm... wanted to study for engmec but dun noe y just feel asleep on the bk... lol...
today: engmec paper... went to sch earlier than the last 2 days to study cos the paper was early... i reach sch even b4 8.30... decided to take the shuttle bus today cos if i take shuttle bus i dun hav to climb over the overhead bridge to get to sch... lol... today the gp was also big got yee teng, jia jun, serene, luke, ernest, sheena, ian and me... and when we were about to leave lynette came... (finally for once, i rmb all... haha...) i was the first one there so i was like super stoning... so msg sheena and she say she still waiting for train... lol... i tot i would hav to wait very long... lucky after waiting a while ernest and jia jun came... today at first b4 sheena come is ernest trying to teach me then when sheena came liao i ask luke to teach me.. lol... erm... nvm... dun say better... haha... well i think i crap thruout the paper... same like eltech... my this 2 modules is CMI... lol... i only spend 1 hr and was stoning liao... didn't wan to leave early cos wanted to wait for sheena... ended up she was waiting for me to stand also... lol... we were the last 2 from our class to leave the exam hall... lol... after that went to the bus stop to slack cos cant decide where to go... finally decided to go to mac to eat with sheena, jiajun, soonheng and qinghui... sheena treated me... lol... tks... haha... it was funny there la... cos was laughing quite alot... then after that they say wan to go k box... but i can't go lei.. if i go wun hav enough time to reach home by the time i gave... haha... so after standing under the sun for a while laming.. they decied to go play pool... and sheena say just go awhile... so i go lor... down there slack and take photos... ended up only left the place at 3+ or 4... can't rmb liao... was talking to sheena as we were walking out... totally not concentrating on where i was going lor... nearly walk into the boys toilet without even noticing... lol... i tot the 2 person walking in front of me going out lor.. blur blur just follow them... if jiajun and sheena nv call me i think i walk in to the toilet liao... lol.. funny thing was that the person holding the door still stand there and hold the door like wan to wait for me to go in then cum out... lol... so pai seh... then after that walk back to sch... on the way while walking tell sheena bout how me and my bro use to fight... and she say i like barbarian... =.= lol... when take bus the time the both of us was tired le ba... cos we didn't laugh as much as we use to... lol...
i guess tats all ba.. this post is very wordy liao... anw, one last tks to everyone who tried to teach me for the common test... =)

sad..

2008-06-01T01:14:00.000+08:00

next week is exam.. and i'm still so lost.. i really nid alot alot of help lor... but the ppl at hm like dun understand lei... they like blocking me from getting help lor... and if i fail they will blame me... wth... i'm like so dead lor... there is no one paper which i can say is no problem lor... engmec-i'm like half way there only, EG1-also half way and the worst is eltech-its big big problem lor... i almost dun get a thing bout it lor.. i like can just wait to die liao... i really dun noe wat to do sia... i dun wan to fail lei... but i nid help lei... haiz... i feel so so so down... no confidence to pass at all... confidence2 = 0%... i nid sumone to talk to me lor... and that person must like enlighten me, give me confidence and console me at the same time... =(

sigh

2008-05-27T12:06:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to think that i may not pass again... erm... maybe not starting only... that tot have been in my head since the first or second wk of sch... and this time its more convincing than the last time... coz examz will be next wk and until now i'm still lost in my own world... today i pass up my compro project.. after looking at my classmates one... i'm starting to wonder is mine too simple anot... haiz... i feel kind of down... dunno why... i really nid to talk to sum1... but i dun noe where to find that sumone...
well... school is fun... haha... cos if i say i dun enjoy myself in sch... i'm sure the ppl who have talk to me bout it on the phone wun believe... haha... except that... it feels kind of weird recently... its almost the same as the first time i entered BPS... i'm worried and afraid... i'm worried that it may be the same and i'm afraid of going thru that process again... if it really does... i think i will go crazy and tell myself not to trust ppl anymore... its scary... i really hope wat i'm thinking about wun happen... i wonder wats wrong with me... i keep linking all the stuff happening in sch to BPS... and all r bad things... the happenings r about the same except this time diff ppl.. even i am different now... i seem to talk alot now and i dun noe if this is a good or bad thing... now i would sit there and talk and talk but last time... i would just sit there and sleep, even if i'm with my frens i sumtimes may just keep quiet... its such a big change... and i dun noe y...
sumtimes i wonder... y is my life like this... do i not deserve to lead a better life, with less worries, tears and have better friends... haiz...

lalala

2008-05-24T09:23:00.000+08:00

i was just reading my previous post... and suddenly got angry again... but felt that its kind of funny too... lol... and i'm telling myself forget it ba... cos i'm sumtimes like this too... lol... and i could be worst, if i wan to.. haha... but so far i guess i've become better than last time liao... lol... and all i can say now is tht person no. 1 is from pluto... lol... me and sheena made that up ytd... i must say sheena's entertainment value is bout 100%... cos i'm always laughing when i'm with her... but still got sum connection problem sumtimes... haha... thats y she told me that i'm from mars ytd... lol... and so i say she's from the moon... today i fell becos of a psp... lol... leg kind of pain now lei... but got no wound lei i also dun noe wat to to ease the pain... lol... my entertainment went home early... sian... i tot i will hav no entertainment when EG1 tutorial comes... but it turns out to not be like this... haha... well i guess today is not too bad...

haiz...

2008-05-22T12:46:00.000+08:00

feel kind of sad today... actually this morning was fine la... other than being tired and having aching shoulders la... lol... the sadness cam when sch ended... and lasted till now... 2 "fan nao" i get today... and this is wat i wan to say to those ppl who gave me the "fan nao"...
person no. 1--well actually not that wan to make a big fuss over a small thing la.. but u dun have to say that in front of me lor... it kind of makes me sad to hear sumone say that rite in front of me... at least time first time by sumone else is not said rite in fron of me.... 2nd time hear ppl say this... summore in front of me is like... wah lao... haiz...
person no. 2--u r starting to get weird nowadays lor... u like suddenly change over nite... the way u msg me today is kind of attitude... has sumthing happen that i dun know?.. can u tell me wats wrong?... did i do sumthing wrong? y did u reply my msges in such a way?... for all the yrs i've know u i've nv seen u replying my msges in such a way... u sound so bu suang... haiz... is this going to be the end of our frenship... i hope not... i already have very few frens are like wat we r now.... pls tell me wats wrong so i can at least try to save this frenship... =(